Lex Erath | Sugar and Spice
Published: Monday, September 23, 2013
Updated: Monday, September 23, 2013 02:09
As our new freshmen are probably realizing (welcome, class of 2017!), no matter what your area of interest, there’s pretty much no way you can avoid taking at least one or two giant lecture classes if you want to major in anything. (BIO 13, anyone? EC 5?) While some students might prefer cozy seminars or animated debates, there are some definite advantages to taking a huge class. To name a few:
1. A safe place to sleep. Maybe your incredibly good-looking roommate (tough luck) sexiled you again last night, and you were forced to crash on the questionably stained floor of your common room. Not to worry! Come morning, simply install yourself in the last row of Cohen Auditorium and snooze away.
2. The high potential for entertainment value. In a class of 200 plus people, that’s 200 plus chances for today to be the day that someone just snaps and runs screaming out of the room that they’ll never understand translocation.
3. A built-in large audience for pranks, marriage proposals, etc. If you’re at all computer savvy, it’s possible to hack into a professor’s prepared slides and insert one with a prom invitation in the middle of an econ lecture. (I’m just saying, it’s happened.)
4. Someone to ask your questions for you. Although you’ve heard again and again that there’s no such thing as a stupid question, there are professors who, when asked something particularly dumb, will study the questioner and announce to the class, “I forgot there’s no IQ requirement to get into this class.” You can avoid this fate by holding in your questions until someone else asks for you. That way, you can snicker along with your friends as they make fun of the idiot while privately being relieved that someone finally explained what “demand” really is.
5. The perfect location for private conversations and international drug drops. A lecture class is the ideal cover, if you really think about it. No one will be paying attention to the hushed conversations or suspicious transactions occurring in the back row when there’s a test next Thursday.
6. The chance to meet exotic, exciting creatures (aka kids who aren’t in your major). Sure, you have no idea why the mechanical engineer is in your Intro to Sociology class, but the more the merrier, right?
7. A convenient time and place for you to do all of your Internet chores. From online shopping and Facebook-stalking the hot kid you met last weekend, to paying your credit card bill and brainstorming Halloween costumes, your Tuesday morning lecture class offers the perfect chunk of time, already built into your day. The best part? Unlike in some smaller classes, in a large lecture almost everyone uses a laptop, so you’ll fit right in. The people in front of you might even think you’re being studious! Well, the ones who don’t know you, anyway.
8. No one will notice if you’re not there. Feel like jetting off to Palm Springs for a week of R&R? As long as you’re not friends with your professor on Facebook, feel free to escape to the beach. Bonus points for spending the following week smugly watching everyone else online-stalk your insanely awesome vacation album.
So, there you go. The secret is officially out: Massive lecture classes are definitely the way to go. Freshmen, load up on intro classes, and don’t worry about graduation requirements — chances are, by the time that’s actually a concern, Tufts will have implemented a Jack of All Trades major that you’ll be just perfect for.
Lex Erath is a sophomore who has not yet declared a major. She can be reached at Alexandra.Erath@tufts.edu.