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New rules regulate sexual activity in dormitory rooms

Published: Thursday, September 24, 2009

Updated: Sunday, September 27, 2009 20:09

Sexual Policy

Kelsey Marie Bell / Tufts Daily

Under a new ResLife policy, students are not allowed to engage in sexual activity while their roommates are in the room.

There are lots of things roommates fight over — sharing food, where dirty clothes go and how loud to play music, to name a few. But a new university policy is looking to preempt conflicts that can arise over when it's alright to engage in sexual activity.

The Office of Residential Life and Learning (ResLife) has added a new stipulation to its guest policy that prohibits any sex act in a dorm room while one's roommate is present. The stipulation further states that any sexual activity in the room should not interfere with a roommate's privacy, study habits or sleep.

ResLife's Assistant Director for Community and Judicial Affairs Carrie Ales-Rich explained that the change comes as a result of an annual review of residential policies that examines the previous year's trends.

ResLife received a significant number of complaints last year from residents bothered by their roommates' sexual behavior. Ales-Rich said that this was one of the most commonly cited sources of conflict between roommates.

"There were incidents that occurred last year, and in the past, where residents of rooms started to feel uncomfortable with what their roommates were doing in the room," Ales-Rich said. "This happened more often than we'd like."

The sex policy, Ales-Rich said, is intended as a tool to facilitate conversation and compromise between roommates, rather than simply proscribe behavior. Ales-Rich emphasized that ResLife hopes students will be able to resolve the issues on their own instead of allowing conflicts to reach a point at which the office has to intervene.

"We want to make perfectly clear that we do not want to hinder someone from engaging in any personal or private activity," she said. "But when it becomes uncomfortable for the roommate, we want to have something in place that empowers the residents to have a good conversation with the roommate."

Tufts Community Union (TCU) Senator Bruce Ratain, who chairs the Administration and Policy Committee, said that while his committee has worked with ResLife before, it was not informed or consulted about the policy change.

Ratain, a junior, said he felt that ResLife should have done more to include students when drafting the new guidelines.

"I understand the intent and problem they are trying to solve, but putting together a policy that meets everyone's interests should involve a larger conversation," he said. "A policy decision like this has a real impact on students' lives. Their input is needed to find a way to form a policy that is neither overly restrictive [nor] cumbersome, but effective in achieving its aims."

ResLife saw a need to take the lead in addressing the issue due to its sensitive nature, according to Ales-Rich. "We found in the past that when it comes to sexual activity in the room, students find it an uncomfortable topic to talk about," she said.

The new regulation is not the only change added this year to the guest policy in the ResLife handbook "Habitats." ResLife now requires students to register their non-Tufts overnight guests with their resident assistants and to obtain consent from their roommates before hosting anyone overnight.

A number of students have taken issue with the sex policy, according to Ratain. He said the Senate plans to address these concerns with ResLife administrators.

"We ... look forward to working with ResLife to find a policy that works best," he said.

Alyza DelPan-Monley, a junior, sees the new policy as a useful tool for decreasing tension between roommates. "I know people who have had problems communicating with their roommates, so having this in place would be good for them," she said.

Sophomore Kristen Collins said she has concerns about the university codifying policy on such a private topic. "I think that it is such a personal issue that it should be dealt with between roommates," Collins said. "It is good that there is a guideline in the event of conflicts, but I don't feel that [ResLife] can enforce it too heavily."

Freshman Jon Levinson questioned the need for any policy at all. "I don't think it's necessary," he said. "I think they are imposing something that should be decided between roommates."

Ales-Rich highlighted the need for students to communicate before ResLife becomes involved. "When roommates share a room, they have to talk about it and compromise about how the room is utilized," Ales-Rich said. "We don't want to let a conflict get to a point where someone from ResLife has to intervene and have that conversation."

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cynicali
Sat Sep 26 2009 19:11
Strangely, the only biblical lesson I can think of at the moment is that one about casting the first stone.
Bill
Sat Sep 26 2009 18:23
So can I still jerk off if my roomate is sleeping?
Mike
Sat Sep 26 2009 15:10
There goes another god freak, babbling about how we are some magic father figure's kids. There is not now, or has there ever been PROOF that there is a god. As to the problem of roommates having sex while their roommates are in the room, they are just jerks, period. They need to grow up.
WW
Sat Sep 26 2009 14:08
The fact that they need to have such a policy at all tells us something about the maturity level of the people in question. Civilized people do not do things that interfere with their roommate's use of their room, whether it's having sex or playing loud music or burning incense that smells like vomit. There was a time when people didn't need to be told this, and when people who did act like selfish, self-centered, rude gits were treated as the jerks they were by everyone around them, which tended to make them behave better. Now it's not considered rude to make a shared space unusable to other people, but it IS considered rude of the person who's being imposed on to ask you to knock it off. The theme song of modern life is "The World Turned Upside Down".
ReturnToMorality
Sat Sep 26 2009 12:33
Too bad God didn't give us, his children, any guidance regarding premarital sex...

Oh, wait. He did, and it's: "No sex outside of marriage. Period." Living a moral life would resolve Tuft's problems -- as well as a host of other social, financial, emotional, and psychological problems.

Recent Alum
Sat Sep 26 2009 11:44
Seems nice in theory, but this can easily go wrong very quickly. If someone has issues about premarital and/or queer sex, he/she can manipulate this to make things very difficult for his/her roommate's lifestyle. So either A) the couple will have to really impose on the other member's roommate or B) (if both share these views) they suddenly are having their own happiness imposed upon by others' morals and can't do it at all....
Wicked Happy
Sat Sep 26 2009 11:27
I once dated an RA at Tufts. She could suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Being an RA, she didn't have a roommate. Ahhh, the mamories.
Fark Fapper
Sat Sep 26 2009 10:57
Fap! Fap! Fap!
Tufts wasn't sexy
Sat Sep 26 2009 10:48
This never was a problem for me when I was at Tufts. Never got laid once when I was there. Junior year abroad, on the other hand.....
Rusty
Sat Sep 26 2009 10:37
I just enjoy the show and jerk-off. Hey, when life gives you lemons, right?
Dave
Sat Sep 26 2009 10:13
WOW lots of skanks there I guess? Roomies should take pics and sell to porn sites. Won't Daddy be proud of how his little cup-cake is spending his money?
Dan
Sat Sep 26 2009 10:07
In my day, a college had the policy that a woman couldn't close her dorm room door if a man was in the room. But if the door was closed, the proctor was obliged to assume that no lady would close her dorm room door if a man were in the the room.
HatedFreshmanYear
Fri Sep 25 2009 17:12
Since when does being in college make anyone an 'adult' automatically? True, the roommate being imposed upon should be able to grow a pair and speak up on his or her own behalf, but the person banging their partner while their roommate is in the room should grow up and just be more considerate, perhaps by having this conversation BEFORE it becomes an issue if they intend on a bit of exhibitionist-like play. From what I can tell, this policy is not intended to be an enforcable regulation nor is it meant to be a rallying cry to all the unlucky students with roommates too self-absorbed to hold off on their hormones until the student leaves the room. It's simply meant to give the student a bit more moral support instead of the kid sinking into some "Well, maybe I'm just being too demanding" or other well of depression. Like I said, a lot of people still hold on to their high school emotional states up until graduation (and beyond).

Also, the issue doesn't only apply to a person walking in on their roommate having sex in their room. That happened to me several times when I was a freshman but I just grabbed whatever I was looking for and left the couple to go about their business as soon as I could (didn't want to completely ruin the mood for them, ha). The issue I had more often is that I'd be working on a paper, or studying or trying to sleep and suddenly I'd be aware that my roommate was 'engaging' with his girlfriend right next to me without even asking me to leave for 5 minutes. Walking in on your roommate is one thing, but looking up from your computer to see his bed bouncing sans sheets is a situation I wouldn't wish on anyone except my most voyeuristic of friends.

concerned parent
Fri Sep 25 2009 13:39
what if you're having a 3-some?
ilikefrozentreats
Fri Sep 25 2009 12:32
Off Campus Junior: It isn't about needing to behave in related behaviors. It's about ill-defined, over-reaching, patronizing and just plain BAD policies that reslife tries to foist off as benefitting us, which really just infantilize and enable people not to be responsible for dealing with their own personal conflicts.
off campus junior
Fri Sep 25 2009 09:45
So if you're concerned about being able to 'engage' - get a single room or find a friend with an apartment you can borrow. Explain to mommy and daddy why you NEED a single room and I'm sure they will be happy to ante up the extra cash. Alternatively, work it out with your roommate - a thumb tack on the door jamb works really well in most cases to alert the poor guy before he walks in!
Anon
Thu Sep 24 2009 23:31
Solution: Do it in the Tisch bathroom!

Seriously, though, I was one of the people last year who had to send in a noise complaint about this very same issue.

Jumbolaya
Thu Sep 24 2009 19:05
Another example of Western society turning to law and regulation in place of developing moral fiber. Bad regulations undermine respect for good ones, ResLife.

Also, "likefrozentreats" wins.

Your name
Thu Sep 24 2009 13:54
This new policy "prohibits any sex act in a dorm room while one's roommate is present"? Do people actually go at it with their roommate on the other side of the room? Who would want to? At least shuffle on down to the laundry room for your romps. Perhaps I'm naive, or have just been blessed with really considerate roommates, but if you're trapped with a roommate who enjoys indulging in this degree of exhibitionism, I don't think Res Life is going to be able to help you (although the image of Ms. King busting into a dorm room and chastising disobedient couples is somewhat entertaining...)
Ilikefrozentreats
Thu Sep 24 2009 13:20
So, is there a list of "sexual activities" that are now prohibited? Because reslife hasn't seen me eat a popsicle.

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