You know you're getting old when you'll be covering gray hair by the time the incoming freshmen graduate. Ah yes, as Boston slowly becomes habitable once again, it wouldn't be spring without you roving hordes of pre-frosh on campus. However, though your presence may bitterly remind me that come May Tufts will kick me face-first into the real world to make room for you and your money, I'd like to think that these four years have taught me something I can share with you. On the tour they'll tell you about housing options and double majoring; you'll be bored to tears listening to info about Jumbo and course requirements. But what they won't tell you is how to spot a DU boy a mile away or evade the grasp of a DTD predator. So out of the goodness of my heart and in order to put off job-searching for a few more hours, I've made the Pre-Frosh Girl's Guide to Tufts, helping you identify each type of Tufts boy to make matriculation that much easier.
The Abercrombie and Fitch Jock
Your typical-looking New England college student, this species can be identified by his large neck, faded jeans, and 9 a.m. beer breath. Usually a member of upstanding Tufts institutions such as DU or 123, the AFJ exhibits Jekyll and Hyde tendencies: nicely normal during the day, after-dark time spent with his "brothers" transforms him into a belligerent bull ready to uproot trees with his bare hands. Barbells and Budweisers contribute to his Herculean size. Can be found in the gym from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. weekdays, by the porcelain on the weekends.Pro: Can help increase your tolerance.
Con: His Mandy Moore shrine can be unnerving.
The Euro
With his funky sneakers, soccer shirts, and laid-back demeanor, the Euro can be found in abundance on the Tufts campus. Whether outside Fletcher or on the Campus Center terrace, the Euro is most happy when taking a cigarette break and complaining to other Euros about the lack of places to smoke in Boston. He is equally at home chilling in Latin Way or at Avalon on a Thursday night. The Euro has charming stubble and will probably convince you to go to Amsterdam with him.Pro: Has an accent.
Con: Smells...okay.
The Euro Wannabe
An offshoot of the Euro, the Euro Wannabe also exists in great numbers. Like the Euro, the Euro Wannabe has cool sneakers, nice stubble, and enough cigarettes to kill a horse. Unlike the true Euro, the Euro Wannabe spends most of his time on his cell phone at the Campus Center and wears sunglasses while indoors or in the rain. Most likely a member of the Tufts establishment Delta Tau Delta, he will intrigue you with his extensive knowledge of Gucci and girly drinks.Pro: Smells good.
Con: Smells better than you.
The Phresh Prince
Though plentiful at Tufts, the Phresh Prince is less visible on campus than the Euro or the Jock. The PP prizes the Tufts education but misses his urban abode, and Medford life is no substitute. If he isn't holed up late-night at the radio station, he's probably DJ-ing in Hotung or getting jacked at the gym. The PP can be identified by his impressive collection of designer sweatshirts and baggy dark denim jeans. He is never caught without his boombastic headphones.Pro: Can bump and grind.
Con: Thinks Boyz II Men is "mood music."
The Prep
Not to be confused with the A+F Jock or the Euro wannabe, the Prep is what most girls think of when they envision New England college boys. Clean-shaven and neat, the Prep has an extensive wardrobe full of navy blue crewnecks and blindingly white khakis. Credits his sense of style and love of crew to his four years at Exeter. Often found looking for first editions in secondhand bookstores, the Prep enjoys a good book, a good cigar, and a good roll in the hay. Extra points if he wears glasses.Pro: Will take you to the opera.
Con: Needs a Jackie, not a Marilyn.
The Flamboyant Fashionista
Although a rarity at Tufts, the Flamboyant Fashionista is easily identified on campus, sometimes from 400 or 500 feet away. A true chameleon, the FF's hair changes as often as his facial hair design, and he is often late for class deciding whether his leopard-print pants go with his vintage Mick Jagger shirt. A diehard fashion fan, the FF manages to pull it all off with panache and wins points for sheer ballsiness. Can be found scouring the Garment District or at home reorganizing his wardrobe. How he'll woo you: "I just rented 'Labyrinth'---my place or yours?"Pro: Looks divine in fur.
Con: Steals your eyeshadow.
So girls, enjoy your visit to Tufts and endure the pain of the campus tour. Be nice to your parents. Don't pretend you're not with the tour group. In just a few short months you'll be here on your own, with a fake ID and without your entire extended family by your side, ready to dive headfirst into the college social scene. After all, Tufts is more than just classes and credits. We may be in Medford, but as your tour guide will tell you, Tufts is a very diverse place.
(Special Thanks to Pri)
