Enjoy the Holidays 'Blind'

As the semester draws to a close and the holiday season comes quickly upon us, it is that time of year to take the opportunity to cuddle with your loved ones.

Unless, of course, you have no loved ones that aren't family.

Assuming you aren't a West Virginian, the next few months can be fatal for those single swingers, with Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day offering a triple holiday whammy. So while you drink your glass of champagne with a fruitcake and box of chocolates, sit back, and watch the perfect antidote for loneliness, Blind Date. As they say, misery loves company, and Blind Date provides a stocking full of misery for the holidays.

Blind Date is the ultimate dating show and the ultimate viewing pleasure, combining the best of Survivor with the worst (in other words, the most fun to watch) of Temptation Island. The producers of Blind Date create a masterpiece every episode when they place two horny personalities on a full day date. But the funniest parts are the captions and drawings that act as commentary on the couple. The Blind Dates usually fall into three categories:



The Utter Mismatch:



Definitely the most fun of any Blind Date episode. Included in these types of Blind Dates are a few personalities:



a. The Bitch: She's hilarious, and every guy's nightmare. While her behavior is usually well-founded, her catty and cruel remarks make her a treat to see on Blind Date. To get the highest entertainment value, place her with The Bum or The Sleaze (see below) and watch chaos ensue.



b. The Bum: These guys have absolutely nothing going for them. The best part of The Bum experience is watching his struggle to describe his "job" to his date. The more common excuses include "I'm a freelance _________" or "I'm a musician." The shallow Blind Date females see right through their facades, and their empty wallets, and often spend the evening ripping on The Bum. Quality entertainment.



c. The Sleaze: The greatest guide to real dating. When The Sleaze enters the ring, male viewers take notes on what NOT to do. For instance, remember your date's name. On a recent episode, the couple was on their third leg of the date when he was asked the fateful question, "Do you even remember my name?" He failed the test. But perhaps the more entertaining part was not his stupidity, but the fact that she FINISHED the date with him. Great Comedy.



Lessons in love:



The show also offers some lessons in love. Lesson one: the Affect of Alcohol. In a nutshell, the couple becomes more and more intoxicated as the night goes on, and by the end of the date, usually end up screwing each other, or at the least, sloppily kissing each other in the cab ride home. Quite often hot tubs and/or bikinis are involved. You ever wonder why random people hook up on the weekends after going to ATO? Watch Blind Date and you'll get the picture.

These dates are usually featured on the classic "Hall of Shame" section of the program. The abridged two or three minute version of a date provides nearly as much entertainment as the full ten minute versions. Like I mentioned, they usually involve the over-consumption of alcohol. Yet sometimes they are examples of The Utter Mismatch. On a recent episode, a guy refused to "agree to disagree", and promptly walked out on his date. Classic.



The Perfect Match:



These people make me sick. More often than not, the guy or the girl is totally not qualified to be dating their partner. Whether it be for reasons of personality, character, intelligence, or basic hygiene, they just do not deserve their partner. Thankfully, the producers refrain from showing too many of these dates.

Other random thoughts on Blind Date: Roger Lodge is a great host for Blind Date, and when the show runs its course, he should consider becoming a Casey Kasem impersonator. He has the looks, the voice; all he needs now is to become the voice of a pot-smoking mystery solver to complete the triumvirate.

The date locations: I know the geniuses who produce Blind Date pick the sites, but honestly, is a visit to the plastic surgeon really necessary? How about going to get glamour shots taken? It makes NO sense.

As is common in the television business, numerous copycats have popped up over the past few years as a reaction to Blind Date's widespread popularity. None of them can even hold a candle to the original, and only Elimidate comes close. The 5 th Wheel, Dismissed, Ex-treme Dating, and Rendez-vous are just a handful of the failed attempts at capturing the magic of Blind Date. Take notes on the "Do's and Don'ts" of Blind Dating and perhaps, just maybe, you'll eat that box of chocolates with a special someone next holiday season.