Ask Angie

Q: Angie, I'm on birth control pills since my boyfriend and I are sexually active. I still make him wear a condom when we have sex. I am afraid that the pills won't work so both together seem better. I am also kind of grossed out by the idea of him not wearing a condom. He thinks it feels worse and really wants to go "natural". What should I tell him?



A: Assuming you're taking your birth control pills correctly, this method of contraception should be 95%-99.9% effective, and the addition of properly used condoms can only help your odds of preventing pregnancy. The pill is typically meant as a sole method of birth control, so the odds are very much in your favor if you decide to try the condom-less route. He needs to respect the fact that you're uncomfortable with uncovered intercourse, but at the same time you've never done it so you don't know if you'll be as "grossed out" in practice. There are other reasons besides cleanliness to keep the condom between the two of you: birth control pills do not protect against sexually transmitted diseases! I have no idea how long you've been with your guy, or how much you know about his sexual past -- but unless he's willing to cough up some proof that his genital area is totally clean, you've got a good reason to keep his parts covered.



Q: Dear Angie, I've had a crush on a friend of mine for quite some time. I finally got the nerve to tell her how I feel, only to be rejected. Now, months later, after we've both found other people, she changes her mind! When I see her now, there's an awkward sexual tension. What should I do?



A: The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence, and that's precisely why I'd take her "change of heart" with a grain of salt. The only reason she's interested at this point is simply because she can't have you anymore. The thing you absolutely shouldn't do is leave your current significant other for this girl, no matter how sincere her feelings are _ it's most likely that the second you made yourself available, she'd lose interest. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, supposing she suddenly realized what a catch you were, she's still in no position to be bringing it up now. Maybe if the stars align correctly something will someday blossom between you two, but for now that's not an option. A certain level of sexual tension is normal between friends because of past histories or feelings. It should not, however, impinge on your friendship and respective relationships. If she continues with any meddlesome flirting while you're around, you might have to sit down and talk this out _ perhaps giving her a "rejection speech" of your own.



Q: Dear Angie, I have two problems. Number one is that I have two roommates _ my

roommate and his girlfriend. The second problem is that I am friends with both of them, so it's hard for me to tell either one of them that they spend too much time together in my room. They hardly ever go to her room, so I have to deal with them being together in front of me and it is really distracting when I'm trying to work or even sleep. Next year we are planning to live together but I don't want to have the same problem again _ this can't go on. How can I talk to them without losing my friends? - Seen too much



A: You said it yourself, this can't go on, and you've obviously had enough. You've been so accommodating to them and so far offered no objections to their behavior, so they've probably thought that they weren't doing anything to upset you. Before you sign yourself up for another year of this suffering, you need to talk to both roommates and work something out. You're all friends, and emphasize that point before you start the discussion. Tell them it has nothing to do with either of them personally, but it's hard enough for any college student to just have ONE roommate _ two roommates could break anyone down! You need to express that you miss having private time, and that perhaps you'd be willing to make yourself disappear from the room once in a while for them to spend time together elsewhere in exchange. I would suggest not telling them that they spend too much time together in general, as it may be construed as you insulting the nature of their relationship. The bottom line is that you are uncomfortable with the current state of affairs, and will not live this way next year. Your friends may be annoyed at first, but they'll get over it. Once you're less peeved at them, you'll probably all end up becoming closer friends.