Nine teams jump out to a perfect 3-0 in intramural basketball

Well it's the ever-popular Friday before Spring Break recap of the world of Tufts intramural sports. While I'd like to believe the entire campus has been on the edge of its seat anticipating this article, I know that will probably not be the case seeing as how many people will be gone. However, I do applaud those who have postponed leaving for vacation until today just so they can get the latest information on the world of Tufts' sports. So without further ado, here's a recap of week three.

First we'll start with basketball, which seems to be the most popular sport for people trying to tell me they are the next superstars. Successful teams thus far have been DU, Illest, Team Norton, Nematoda, JAP Funk All-Stars, Law, and Tappa Kegga, all having jumped out to sparkling 3-0 records.

I imagine that steroids and other performance enhancing drugs are playing a major part in those strong starts, but maybe I'm just bitter because my team is 0-3 and is deemed as an "easy win" by many other teams.

However, other teams should be wary of playing Noise Game in the future. Noise Game's major setback has been the loss of senior all-American forward Mike Plunkett, who has recently been sidelined with post-wisdom teeth surgery pains as well as Vicodin-induced migraines. However, we expect him back in full basketball shape for the second-half of the season.

Luckily, we are not alone in this seething mass of depression considering teams like Funktronics, Ballers, and the Grizzlies are also sharing our losing ways with identical records. As for the other teams in the league, if they haven't already been listed, bets are they are probably 2-1 or 1-2.

Additionally, Team Double Tree, a team comprised of swimmers, claims they deserve press despite their unremarkable 1-2 record. Double Tree sophomore Mike Schrimpf supposedly dropped 38 points on The Troops, including barraging them with 10 consecutive three pointers.

"I dedicated the game to my roommate who couldn't make it due to an empty room, a fast Internet connection, and a box of Kleenex," Schrimpf said. "He was very happy for me afterwards, though, and gave me high fives with his right hand all day long."

Soccer also presented some interesting match-ups that brought the entire Tufts community together in awe of the amazing spectacles. Among the many highlights was an intense 7-7 draw between the Mad Cows and Tappa Kegga. Bombshell also outlasted the Alkies 7-6, and although this hasn't been confirmed by any fact, I imagine that it ended in some sort of penalty kick shootout followed by mass spectator riots afterwards. In the two shutouts of the week, team Beers defeated Insanity 6-0 and I-House crushed Gorlin Gysts 7-0. The goalies from those two winning teams combined for over 50 saves over the weekend.

If you are in a fantasy intramural league, one player to keep an eye on is senior Pete "Afropele" Shungu, who seems to finally be coming into his own. Adopting a graceful and electric style of play from France, where he studied last year, it is widely believed that he will be the league MVP despite missing the first few games due to a contract dispute with team management.

"That Pete is so hot right now," an anonymous player said.

Lastly, the sport that never gets enough publicity but always attracts the hottest ladies--intramural volleyball. It is difficult to present the volleyball season in depth seeing as how there are only 4 teams, but I have noticed that team Rico is dominating its opponents in winning both its matches 2-0.

Well that's all for this week. The next set of games are scheduled for the weekend of the Mar. 29 and 30 so be ready for amazing post-Spring Break excitement.