There's just something about Spring Break that makes everyone want to hook up. It could be the fact that we need the stress relief or that we're too drunk to have good judgment, or maybe it's that we're all in heat. But regardless of the reason, the chances are high that whether you're in Cancun or Miami, you'll find yourself getting intimate with someone you have just met.
In efforts to keep the Tufts community as disease-free as possible, I have created a chart explaining five STDs that one is most likely to get after hooking up with a stranger. You may want to cut it out and keep it in your wallet for future reference.
| He says: | She says: | He/she has: |
| "Dude...check out the puss-like white stuff dripping out of my schlong! Maybe that's why it burns and itches when I pee!" | "It kinda stings and burns when we have sex" | Gonorrhea |
| "My penis is bumped for your pleasure baby! My hard gray whitish legions really get girls going!" | "It's like a gray pearl necklace around my vagina...and look there are even some soft pink ones too!" | Genital Warts |
| "There are totally itchy black dots all up in my pubes!" | "Man, I've never had a bikini wax itch like this before!" | Pubic Lice |
| "Forget the KY jelly! I've got wet blisters on my shaft that are all the lubrication you need!" | "Baby doll, just don't touch the blisters ok? They are a little painful and itchy still." | Genital Herpes |
| "My testicles are swollen up like hot air balloons...it must be blue balls. And don't worry about the stuff dripping out of Mr. Happy, it's just pre cum." | "Thanks for offering to buy me a drink, but it really hurts when I pee, So I'm not drinking tonight. My damn itchy burny vulva!" | Chlamydia |
The best part about spring break is that it's a week that we can leave behind us; a week that never technically happened. But it's hard to leave something behind you if you come back with burning, sore ridden genitals. The point is, use a condom, but know that it's still not 100 percent protection.
Even on Spring Break, students have to make important decisions. And not just "shall I take a margarita or a Corona," but real decisions that could have lasting effects on the rest of our lives. Have a great spring break everyone, but please, if you screw, please do so responsibly.
