Things I hate about television

Its payback time. Payback time for all the trashy entertainment, like Joe Millionaire, to which I have been subjected to this semester. For all the enjoyment I get out of watching television, there are still many things that cause me to spew invectives at the screen. So here they are_ five things I hate about TV.



1. Carrot Top

Is there any other name in today's culture that evokes more fear and agony than Carrot Top? He has become the new spokesperson for 1-800-CALL-ATT, replacing David Arquette as the world's most annoying person. Carrot Top is the stupidest, loudest, and tackiest personality on television today, and that's including Chris Matthews. The saddest thing is that Carrot Top makes his living as a comedian. Of course the AT&T's marketing plan has worked, seeing how I remembered that I can "dial down the center" with 1-800-CALL-ATT and save money on my collect calls. But is it worth it to torture the television-watching public? Oh the humanity!



2. Around the Horn

Max Kellerman, the host of the excruciatingly bad ESPN program, comes in a close second in the "Stupidest, Loudest, and Tackiest" competition. "Around the Horn" is the latest "talking head" show produced by ESPN Original Entertainment and it stinks to high heaven. Kellerman got his break as a boxing announcer, so his loud and abrasive personality is perfect for covering those events. But his nasal New York accent and pompous bravado remind us more of our hatred of the Yankees then wanting to listen to what this brainless doofus thinks.

The format of Around the Horn is even more idiotic. Kellerman gives "points" to each of the four sports columnists from Los Angeles, Boston, Dallas, Denver, or Chicago based on their responses to his question. Then the columnists with the fewest points are eliminated in three rounds. The result is a cacophony of voices shouting over each other trying to gain points. Even worse, the same columnists win and lose every day. Have you ever seen Woody Paige win? Or Bob Ryan lose? It's even more predictable than an episode of "Boston Public."



3. Tufts Movie Channel

These are the movies currently being offered on Channel 40, the Tufts Movie Channel: Taxi Driver, Clockwork Orange, Superman, The Country Bears, and Stuart Little 2. If there was ever a more eclectic selection of movies, I'd like to see one. While the first three are all interesting movies, what are two children's movies doing on a college television station? This isn't an isolated event either. Last semester, during the holiday season, the channel aired A Muppets Christmas Carol. Why the lack of quality movies? Last semester, Tufts Movie Channel aired big hits like Pearl Harbor and The Sum of All Fears. Even Men in Black II had its worthwhile moments, as opposed to TheCountry Bears, which is so shamelessly based on a Disneyland show that it's revolting. I ask for reforms to the system. TV junkies like me demand it.



4. NCAA on MTV?

Yes, it is looking more and more like this travesty will occur. If the Bush administration decides to wage war on Iraq, CBS will offer continual coverage of those events instead of airing March Madness, as they have done for years. The top 65 NCAA men's basketball teams will have to duke it out on the network that spawned reality TV and unleashed Carson Daly on the world. Instead of Jim Nantz and Billy Packer, are we going to have John Mayer and Billy Idol doing the play by play? What about Nelly's "Hot in Herre" taking the place of the memorable theme song played every year. This should be reason enough to protest the war on Iraq. Save March Madness!



5. The Death of the Sitcom

The rise of reality television is a result of many factors, ranging from the economic downturn to lack of original ideas. New situational comedies were failing, and the networks needed fresh ideas to compensate for the lost ad revenues. Therefore, reality television came out of the decline of the sitcom, and it's gotten worse ever since. Why has there been no great new comedy since "Will & Grace"? Great dramas like "Alias" and "CSI: Crime Scene Investigators" have become established mainstays on network television, but there is no room for comedy. NBC probably stuck with the wretched "Good Morning Miami" because they had no other sitcom to take up space. "Frasier" and "Friends" have long since passed their prime, and "Everybody Loves Raymond" has become repetitive. It has gotten so bad, that My Big Fat Greek Wedding, the indie movie darling of 2002, has been turned into a CBS sitcom, except this time the old jokes fall flat.