Spring flings

I could've asked every spring breaker in Cancun why they were there, but as a general policy, I don't ask questions when I already know the answer. Get drunk, get laid, get tan -- though not necessarily in that order. And why think about the consequences? Live for the moment. After all, you know what they say: what happens on spring break stays on spring break.

Part of living in the moment is living with no regrets. In this respect, the issue of cheating becomes somewhat of a double-edged sword. There are those who arrive in Cancun deeply committed with no intention of cheating on their loved one. There are few who leave that actually stuck to their word. But when all is said and done and the week is over, who has the most regrets -- the cheaters or the faithful?

If we accept that the ultimate goal of spring break is to escape, then maybe the cheaters come out ahead. Not only were they able to forget the responsibility of their job, their schoolwork and their wallet, but they actually escaped the commitment of their significant other as well.

Yet on the other hand, no matter how successful you were at living in the moment, all moments must end. And on the Sunday, you fly home hung over, burnt and exhausted, and you're greeted at the airport by your loved one. Then you have to answer the inevitable question of what, or more specifically, whom you did on your vacation. In this situation it's much nicer to be able to honestly say "no one, my dear" and have loving hands stroke your forehead as you puke up whatever tequila remains in your system.

Even trickier than deciding who wins out (the cheaters or the faithful) is deciding who belongs in which group. If you don't remember it, does it really count? If it happened on the dance floor it's dancing, not dry humping, right? And then there's always the argument that intention is every bit as bad as action. If you've been drooling over the same person all week, does it really matter if you ever hook up with them or not? Doesn't the fact that the desire was there make you almost as guilty?

Due to the complexities that surround cheating, the spring breakers who began their journey single are at a slight advantage hook-up wise. The only real downside I can see to being single on spring break is those who don't get any must own up to the fact they're just not that smooth. At least those in relationships can play off their lack of game as being a committed partner.

There are always the singles who go on spring break looking not just for play, but for love. Do people fall in love on Spring Break? Absolutely. Between the beer goggles and the romanticism of meeting someone you may never see again, hell, if it walks and talks, it could be true love. It's just so perfectly dramatic to believe we'll meet Mr. or Mrs. Right and then be ripped apart by the cruel forces of nature.

Will this "true love" last past Spring Break? That's a little more uncertain. Most would argue that it's neither realistic nor desirable to keep in touch with your fling. Knowing our time with a person is limited, it's easy to overlook negative characteristics that would be more prevalent in a natural setting. On spring break, we don't have to be so selective. Anyone can be your soul mate if you only have a week to get to know them.

Not only are spring breakers less selective, but they select based on different criteria. Criterion number 1: availability. Playing hard to get may intrigue people at home, but when functioning under a time constraint, no one wants to, ahhem, beat around the bush. Criterion number 2: physical attractiveness. Hey, if they look good in a swimsuit, what does it matter if their conversation skills don't surpass "your place or mine?"

Perhaps this explains the abnormally large number of people who participate in hot body and wet t-shirt contests. As though hard nipples and thongs are used to reiterate the statement "I'm a piece of ass, and so are you."

Spring Break may be about living in the moment, but ultimately, we cannot separate our beings from our actions. Your hangover cannot be exchanged with your pesos at the Mexican border. As exotic as that tan looks now, prolonged exposure to sunlight may lead to wrinkles or melanoma. And you guessed it; the gonorrhea you picked up from that cute blond doesn't become asymptomatic as soon as you step on the plane home. So while it's exciting to spend a week living in the moment, it's imperative to show some sort of restraint. Quite honestly, nothing that happens on spring break ever actually stays there.