Lord of the Rings takes home the big one

Epic quests and hobbit-footed directors reigned supreme at this year's Academy Awards, as the final installment in the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy swept its nominations to bring home 11 awards.

The evening began with a video clip in which host Billy Crystal was catapulted naked into a movie screen and superimposed into various roles of the year's top films. Crystal did play a creepy and very convincing Gollum from "The Lord of the Rings: the Return of the King" but overall, the segment was weak.

Anticipating the long evening ahead, Crystal greeted Hollywood's elite at the 76th annual Academy Awards, declaring, "I will be your Master and Commander tonight....and well into tomorrow." This was Crystal's 8th time hosting the event, but he has many years ahead of him to top Bob Hope's 18.

There was a political edge to many of the jokes throughout the show, but the tone was of light, condescending sarcasm rather than of a political critique. Crystal declared that the Academy had let him come and go, "like being in the Texas National Guard." When Tom Hanks came out to present, he walked out to the presidential theme, calling it a "snappy tune."

Overall, both announcers and guests were well behaved and kept Bush-bashing to a minimum, though Sean Penn, recipient of the best actor's award, however, was not able to silence his inner-bad-boy, saying, "Thank you - if there's one thing actors know other than that there weren't any WMDs, it's that there is no such thing as best in acting."

Though Crystal was the night's host, he shared the stage almost evenly with director Peter Jackson and company of "The Lord of the Rings: the Return of the King." The final installment of the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy took best picture at the end of the night to wrap up with an 11-award sweep, winning 11 out of 11 nominations. Only Ben Hur and Titanic have also reached such success. The film also took wards in the best director, adapted screenplay, art direction, effects, costume design, make-up, sound mixing, film editing, film score and original song categories.

The Academy paid tribute to the many recently deceased Hollywood personalities, including a video tribute to Katherine Hepburn, announced by Julia Roberts. Director Blake Edwards was honored for such works as "The Party," the Pink Panther movies, "Breakfast at Tiffany's," "Days of Wine and Roses," and many others. He entered onto stage in a wheelchair with his leg supported and wrapped in a bandage, only to speed across the stage and crash through a wall, a move that one of Blake's most frequently used actors, Peter Sellers, would have appreciated immensely.

Writer and director of "Lost in Translation," Sofia Coppola didn't become the first American woman to win the male dominated category of best director, but she did claim a statue for best original screenplay, making her the third generation of Coppola family Oscar winners. Previously, only the Huston family had accomplished such a feat.

Presenters proceeded about awkwardly, misreading lines or offering obnoxious and unimpressive one-liners. Liv Tyler and Jim Carrey made appearances and Robin Williams presented for best feature animation in a perfected Elmer Fudd. Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson played their usual squabbling roles.

Acceptance speeches were passionate and tasteful, but often extended long enough to hear the music cue for exiting. This subject was later revisited in a performance by Jack Black and Will Ferrell, who claimed that the music actually has a chorus: "you're boring."

These lyrics lend themselves well to this year's Oscar-viewing experience. Although there were elements of comic relief and the satisfaction of seeing credit given where due, this event by nature is not well tailored for mass viewing. Crystal ended the night with, "What happens at the Oscars stays at the Oscars."