Uggs!

I really do like those Uggs. They're all over the place -- almost as obnoxious as the trend of J-Lo glasses. But I don't care. They are awesome. I really like seeing people walking around in what are obviously comfortable shoes that are warm, and have a cool Eskimo-in-Medford thing going on.

I've loved this recent shock of great warm weather, but I'll certainly miss the peculiarity of winter fashion. So before Reefs and cargo shorts take over, let's give the garment wonders of winter their due. And excuse me if I'm inching my way into fellow columnist Luke Brown's space -- but I sincerely feel that this is a piece of turf we can both claim.

On the same line as the Uggs are those coats that girls wear in the cold that are practically sleeping bags with the bottoms cut off. I love those! Seriously -- just like the Uggs -- these things make sense. What do you do when it's cold out and you've got to survive? Get in a sleeping bag! So I think it's great that we've cut the crap and decided to just walk around in cut-off sleeping bags. Like a bizarre Daisy Duke of winter. Or something. I had always felt that the legs got neglected when it came to outerwear, and the walking sleeping bag is a great solution. Terrific.

Of course with the winter looks that work, there are those that just make no sense. The pajama thing? What is that? Girl walks into lecture, sporting the baseball cap (which I'm fine with), and then the sweatpants, slippers, and sweatshirt. Hey! Newsflash! The sweatsuit thing is not actually warm! Come on - wind goes right through it. I will grant you that the winter really sucks the desire out of us to look good for the day, and you want to stay in the PJs, but those things are cold.

Another piece of clothing that I don't think is doing much good is the tights-only on the bottom. Hey-yo! First of all, it that can't be warm. Secondly, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the tights-only look on the bottom is socially unacceptable. The tights provide visual detail that is ... too close for comfort. The viewers would appreciate at least some shorts on top. Is that too much to ask? Needless to say I don't think that these clothes explicitly designed for wearing inside really make sense in the disgusting-grey-snow and horribly-salted-road environment.

While we're talking about the not-so-great part of winter clothing, let's just get to the real point: everyone looks horrendous in the winter time. Have you ever, during the summer, looked at a picture of an attractive person that was taken in the winter? Yips! That is a scary sight. Everyone is pale, hairier than usual, and generally a bit bigger. There should just be no photos taken in winter. I suppose that we're all in the same boat during these cold months, but looking back at that from the summer is a serious shocker.

Speaking of the ugliness and specifically the hairiness, what's up with all the bearded and shaggy men who can't even get a haircut from November until March? When asked, they'll tell you, "It really keeps me warm. It just makes sense." Have you completely given up on getting any play this season? And furthermore, haven't we invented coats and hats for this purpose? Come on -- isn't this the tipping point separating us from our distant caveman cousins? We've got fleece for God's sake. Fleece! The greatest thing ever to hit the planet. Can't you just accept the fleece and wear it instead of wearing some disgusting jacket growing on your face?! Cold weather really isn't an excuse to let it all hang out and be a hairy caveman for four months. Just put on a hat already.

And along with the bearded folk comes the flannel. You've got the bearded kid with the flannel shirt and then even wearing boots? Hey - I don't see the forest or the trees that you're cutting down, buddy. Isn't this just slightly out of place: kid with big bushy beard and work boots and a thick flannel shirt sitting in Philosophy class? I'll grant that it's cold outside. But that's outside! Again. We've got jackets, indoor heating, and a whole civilization working to keep us warm. The beard thing seems done.

The hearty New England winter seems to bring out the best and worst of what we've got in the closet. (Why the hell is New England always "hearty" anyway?) Either way, luckily for us, it's almost done with. Soon enough we'll have the sailors with shades hanging off their necks all day and the girls wearing napkins they call "skirts." It'll be great. So hold on tight -- we're almost out of the freezer. Thank God.