Many of you may have missed it while lamenting the Democratic losses (I know I was), but the NBA started another season on Tuesday. You know what that means. Shaquille O'Neal dominating ... the Eastern Conference. T-Mac having another All-Star season ... for the Houston Rockets.
Not the same storylines you remember? It's not the same NBA I remember. It seems to me that the NBA general managers had their own fantasy draft.
Let's take those masters of mediocrity, the Boston Celtics, for example. Remember that 2001-02 team that knocked off my Sixers in five games, then beat Detroit, only to lose to the Nets in six games in the Eastern Conference Finals? Paul Pierce, Antoine Walker, Kenny Anderson, Rodney Rogers, Tony Battie, Eric Williams, Erick Strickland, Walter McCarty, and Tony Delk. They were quite a crew.
Fast forward three seasons.
Only Pierce, McCarty, and Mark Blount remain from that team that was only two more wins away from the NBA Finals. And Blount bounced around following that playoff run only to return this season.
What happened to this league? Not only do we have a new expansion team (the Charlotte Bobcats, otherwise known as Emeka and everyone else) but we have six divisions instead of four. Aside from that, player movement alone has turned the league upside down. It hardly resembles its makeup from last year, and it is completely different from three years ago. It's a fantasy.
Okay, I know I've already written a column about fantasy sports. But this is an actual league.
Stevie Franchise belongs to the franchise from Orlando along with his fellow backcourt pal Cuttino Mobley. The atrocious Magic gave their top player from last season, Drew Gooden, to the Cavaliers. Gooden replaces Carlos Boozer, who left for Utah. Shall we keep going?
Okay. Boozer joins Helmet ... sorry, Mehmet ... Okur in Utah, who used to play for Detroit before signing with the Jazz. The loss of Okur in Detroit is muted by the additions of Derrick Coleman and Antonio McDyess. Coleman and Corliss Williamson swapped teams when Williamson left the Pistons for Philadelphia while McDyess joins the Pistons from Phoenix, who got McDyess from the Knicks for Penny Hardaway and Stephon Marbury last season. Phoenix also added Steve Nash this season from the Dallas Mavericks.
The Mavericks, after losing Nash, turned around and added as many mediocre have-beens and underachievers as possible (Jerry Stackhouse, Erick Dampier, Antoine Walker, Dan "We're not in Gonzaga anymore Toto" Dickau) for Don Nelson to guide to a poor season and for Mark Cuban to clean house once again next June. He's living the fantasy.
Geez, I'm out of breath. Give me a minute ... okay, I'm better. What happened to building dynasties? What happened to creating contenders around a core nucleus?
I've mentioned the Mavs and the Celtics. The Lakers are Shaq-less while the Nets don't shop at K-Mart anymore. As I said before, T-Mac heads to Houston to join Yao in the recreation of the Odd Couple now that Kobe and Shaq split up. Antoine Walker misses threes for Atlanta now.
Derek Fisher will finally have a losing season now that he's in Golden State and Kerry Kittles no longer has to worry about being in Jason Kidd's shadow. He won't get any attention at all playing for the Clippers. And Brent Barry will take a trip to the NBA Finals with the Spurs.
Don't get mad though. The new NBA can be fun. This is like six degrees of Kevin Bacon. Take two players and try and connect them through the trades and free agent signings that have gone down over the past three seasons.
Let's try ... Dikembe Mutombo and Kevin Garnett. Garnett plays with Sam Cassell, who used to be a Milwaukee Buck before a trade for Joe Smith and Anthony Peeler in 2003. Peeler signed with the Wizards this summer to backup the backcourt of Gilbert Arenas and Larry Hughes. Hughes signed with the Wizards in 2002 along with Tyronn Lue. Lue left the Wizards, and after an unsuccessful stint with the Magic, now plays with Mutombo in Houston. That was five degrees.
Hmmm ... Vince Carter and Baron Davis. Davis plays in New Orleans, where he played with Elden Campbell until 2003, when Campbell was dealt to Seattle. Campbell then joined Detroit, with Mehmet Ogre ... err ... Okur. Okur went to Utah to join Matt Harpring. Harpring, who signed with the Jazz in 2002, played with Donyell Marshall in the 2002-03 season before Marshall was dealt to the ... drum roll please ... Toronto Raptors, where he contributes to the Vinsanity (oh yeah, Vince said he wants to be traded). Five degrees again, and that was pretty hard.
This is getting easy. And fun. Let's do one more. Allen Iverson (the "Answer" to the question nobody asked) and Dirk Nowitzki. Oh man, this one's easy. Iverson plays with (because you know he doesn't practice with) Glenn Robinson. Robinson was acquired by Philly in 2003 from Atlanta, where he played with Jason Terry. Terry now plays with Dirk "the Jerk" Nowitzki in Dallas. Three degrees. Not bad, if I say so myself.
You and your friends can play at home. I have a feeling about this game. It's going to sweep the nation.
Still pissed off and unsettled about the changes in the NBA? Don't worry. It hasn't changed that much. It's still the same old NBA where anybody ... and I mean anybody, regardless of race, ethnicity, nationality, or size of their afro (Ben Wallace) ... can grow up to ... get away with traveling. God bless the NBA.
