After hearing the recent hubbub over James Frey's "A Million Little Pieces," we at the Daily decided to play investigative reporter and re-examine some of the "true stories" we've read over the years. We were shocked to find out that many of the works we've always accepted on faith contain passages that are implausible and, in some cases, impossible! We present to you here, our findings: 10 sections of "true stories" that are anything but.
"Gulliver's Travels" by Jonathan Swift (1726)Nice try, Lilliputians, but as we learned from the "Laguna Beach" altercation between Trey and the sassy midget outside the Blink-182 concert, little people will never prevail.
"Frankenstein" by Mary Shelley (1818)A search through his registrar's documents reveals that so-called "Dr." Frankenstein was really just a PhD candidate in Studio Art.
"The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe (1845)Actually, according to the Audubon Society, ravens' tongues are ill-equipped to form the difficult "N" sound in "Nevermore."
"Catcher in the Rye" by J. D. Salinger (1951)Any teenager who's this angsty isn't actually ambitious enough to write a book.
"The Outsiders" by S. E. Hinton (1967)Last time we checked, gang members don't spend their time heroically saving children from burning churches."Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret" by Judy Blume (1970)God doesn't talk to girls while they're menstruating.
"American Psycho" by Bret Easton Ellis (1991)Chainsaws have automatic shut-offs for the express purpose that if they're thrown down a stairwell, no potential victims will be slaughtered.
"The Virgin Suicides" by Jeffrey Eugenides (1993)A simple Punnett square rules out the possibility of the Lisbon parents producing four attractive blonde daughters.
"Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason" by Helen Fielding (1999)A recent "Cosmo" survey has determined that 4 out of 5 Thai prisoners actually prefer food, potable water, and improved living conditions to Madonna sing-alongs in Wonderbras.
"Shine: A Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Journey to Finding Love" by Star Jones (2006)Yeah sure, Star, your husband's not gay. That's what Liza said.
