Next up in our faux-celebrity series: the really really ridiculously good-looking male model Derek Zoolander (and his Tufts doppelganger, Steve Leichman). In the spirit of Derek's commitment to educating our children, we quizzed Steve in the style of several standardized tests (we tried to hold the exam in the Derek Zoolander Center For Children Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, but we couldn't fit; the Center needed to be AT LEAST three times that size!).
LSAT Logical Reasoning question: If moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty, does Meekus or Brint have a lower percentage of body fat?
Steve Leichman: I'm not sure - I dropped out of logic a few weeks into freshman fall. But even if they're both zero, they still demolish my GPA.
MCAT question: What is the genetic chance of a child being born an ambi-turner?
SL: Every time I go to class this semester, an angel gets its wings and an ambi-turner is born... so we're gonna go with "close to zero."
GMAT question: What effect would a freak gasoline fight accident have on world food supplies?
SL: Lots of funerals, lots of eugoogolies.
Career Aptitude test question: I invented the piano key necktie. I INVENTED it! What have you done?
SL: I can Dere-lick my own balls.
Do you always get mistaken for Brian Austin Green? Does your roommate look like Claire Danes' long-lost twin? Send us your own spitting images at dailyarts@gmail.com
