During Game 2 of the World Series Sunday night, a scandal broke out as Tigers pitcher Kenny Rogers was accused of having "a noticeable dirt mark of some sort on his left hand," which, for some reason, makes him a cheater. We at the Daily don't really understand this ourselves, and it's understandable that Cardinals manager Tony La Russa is desperate to find some way to beat the vastly superior Tigers. But at the same time, we're not na've. We know that some cheating does go on in sports, and here's our attempt to finger ten culprits.
10. ESPN. How do they manage to keep "sports" like dominoes, paintball and rodeo on the air? Where are these advertising dollars coming from? There's only one possible answer: Someone must be tampering with some ratings.
9. The Houston Texans. Did they honestly just beat the Jaguars 27-7 this weekend? That can't be right. We can only assume that someone on the Texans was drugging Byron Leftwich's Wheaties Sunday morning.
8. George Brett. 23 years ago, Brett made headlines with the original "Pine Tar Incident": a two-run homer in the ninth inning of a Royals-Yankees game, enhanced by a 24-inch streak of pine tar along the surface of Brett's bat. 24 inches: Now that's a real noticeable mark. Brett puts Kenny Rogers to shame.
7. The Greek national basketball team. Greece beat Team USA in the semifinals of the World Basketball Championship last month, holding LeBron James to just 17 points and winning 101-95. Yes, you read that right, Americans lost to Greeks at basketball. Something fishy was going on there.
6. The LA Dodgers. Pedro and El Duque both got hurt before the first round of the NL playoffs? That's too good to be true. Sounds like someone was doing a bit too much preparation for the playoffs, if you know what I mean. Too bad the Dodgers got swept anyway: What a waste of two perfectly good hit men.
5. Sean Taylor. Of course, the Redskins safety is well-publicized for being one of football's dirtiest players - just ask any of the opponents he's accused of spitting on. But also ... what kind of 232-pound man has a 40-meter time under 4.4 seconds? A crooked one.
4. Roger Federer, Tiger Woods and Annika Sorenstam. Because nobody can win that much without doing something shady. Seven major championships in 2006 for three people? Cheating - of some sort - is the only explanation.
3. The Tigers. But this isn't about Rogers. Nay, the real problem is that Ivan Rodriguez started the All-Star Game this July. When was the last time a catcher hit .347 in a season? I'll tell you when: It was 2006, when Joe Mauer did it. And yet, for some reason, Pudge gets to become a 13-time All-Star instead? Who stuffed that ballot box?
2. Floyd Landis. I suppose that for the last two, we should look at some actual cheaters, hm? Well, how did Landis turn out to have an unusually high level of testosterone in this year's Tour de France? Our sources say it was either a naturally high level to begin with, or dehydration, or "hypothyroidism," or a few beers, or a couple shots of Jack Daniels, or ... cheating. You decide.
1. Barry Bonds, Gary Sheffield and Jason Giambi. You saw that one coming, didn't you?
- by Evans Clinchy
