Steven Tyler's recent announcement of his Hepatitis C infection got the Daily thinking. While we certainly sympathize with local boy Mr. Tyler's ailment, we would be lying if we said that we were surprised by a rock star's contraction of a highly contagious disease associated with, well, sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll (and of course, Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson).
But, as 1997's album proves, Aerosmith, and obviously, Tyler, have "Nine Lives," so we are confident in the rock icon's recovery and our ability to contribute to it. Since misery loves company, we humbly submit the Top Ten celebrities that have been hiding their Hep C infections at least as long as Tyler has.
10. Dr Ruth: Doctors are subject to inadvertently contracting disease in the line of duty. When you're a certified sexologist, surely this danger is tenfold. We salute you, Dr. Ruth, and the odds that you've got something.
9. Bob Dylan: Between "Lay Lady Lay" and lyrics like "my love she laughs like the flowers," Bob Dylan got around enough to have developed something other than just the "Disease of Conceit."
8. Colin Farrell: He's got the luck of the Irish, and not just when it comes to four-leaf clovers and pots of gold. If good looks weren't enough, he also has insomnia, giving him an extra few hours on the rest of us to pursue an active life in the bedroom. Spending hours on end in phone booths probably didn't do much for his personal hygiene either.
7. Ann Coulter: God was angry at Ann for using his name in the title of her latest book, so he smote her, surely the reason for her general air of ill-health. Anyway, there's got to be a reason for all that spleen.
6. Paris Hilton: You thought that was a tan? That golden complexion can only be the result of an unhealthy liver; on the bright side, the always-thrifty and optimistic heiress is no doubt happy to save on weekly fake bake tan costs.
5. Dakota Fanning: In between ballet recitals and horse back riding, Dakota could use a few cautionary bedtime stories. This 12-year-old actress is rumored to be filming her first sexual scene for her new film "Hounddog." The film is of serious nature; and we're serious when we say this can only end badly.
4. Bill O'Reilly: In Oct. 2004, there were claims that O'Reilly sexually harassed a Fox News producer. A lifetime of inflicting sexual harassment portends some sort of karmic payoff, and all things considered, there are worse ones than Hep C.
3. Benito Mussolini: As reported in the Kansas City Star, biographers speculate that the cause of Il Duce's general grumpiness may well have been a mild case of Hepatitis C. Being a dictator is hard!
2. Kid Rock: When you're married to the face of Hepatitis C, Pam Anderson, it's pretty much a foregone conclusion. Maybe Hepatitis C education and prevention is just the cause to give to this devil?
1. Dustin Diamond: Plain and simple: Screech is now starring in his own porno. Porn stars are dirty and this means it's only a matter of time before Diamond faces some consequences. To quote the immortal Richard Belding, "Hey, hey, hey! What is going on here?"
- compiled by Daily Arts staff
