Election Day is today, and we at the Daily are abuzz with the excitement of this year's races (see the extensive election coverage in News, Features and yes, even Arts!). But in the sports department, our attention turns elsewhere. Our obsession with athletes leaves us waiting for Lynn Swann to get crushed in the Pennsylvania gubernatorial election, laughing about how Lance Armstrong once wanted to be governor of Texas, and... well, hoping Charles Barkley never runs for anything. But there are some sports figures who actually do deserve their chance at a career in politics. For example, these 10:
10. Tony La Russa. He's already got a law degree (Florida State '79)...perhaps a future as a Supreme Court justice? He's already got the boring blank stare perfected; now all he needs is some experience as a judge. That's the easy part, right?
9. Bill Belichick. Unfortunately, a hooded sweatshirt and a headset isn't suitable attire for the Oval Office. But he'd still make a great president. After all, he's the coach of the Patriots. And winning three Super Bowls doesn't look too shabby on the resume, either.
8. Peyton Manning. Who cares that he can't win in January? Success in politics is all about winning in November, and he sure did his part Sunday night in Foxboro. Plus, having a famous father always helps you win elections...
7. Danny Ainge. Danny would never hang Saddam Hussein. He'd just trade him to Miami for Qyntel Woods. He'd make the perfect Democrat - always complaining about everything, and never winning anything. Typical Massachusetts liberal.
6. Chad Johnson. You need an ego to go far in politics. And honestly, who's better in that department than Chad "the bad news is he has to cover me; the good is he can save 15 percent on car insurance by switching to Geico" Johnson?
5. Phil Jackson. There's no one more composed, more articulate or more professional in all of sports than the Zen Master. Another good possibility for a future president.
4. Terrell Owens. He has the makings of a great conservative political leader. He has issues with prescription drug use, just like Rush Limbaugh, and he's very outspoken against gay rights - just ask Jeff Garcia.
3. Joe Torre. Like Belichick, he knows how to build a dynasty and consistently win championships. And like Jackson, he's composed and articulate. But he's also very political - in true Yankee style, he avoids ever saying anything debatable or controversial. You'd never hear Joe Torre calling our troops uneducated and stupid.
2. Kobe Bryant. Kobe reeks of Secretary of State - it's all about alienating your allies and marching off to war unprepared. Kobe's game plan is all about alienating Shaq and Phil, and running the Lakers franchise into the ground. Apparently, total disregard for the future makes a good politician.
1. Barry Bonds. I can see it now... "Who are you, coming here telling me to pull troops out of Iraq? What is this 'Iraq?' Iraq has nothing to do with Barry Bonds." A true politician is someone who knows how to deflect attention, change the subject, and basically just ignore the truth. Nobody does that better than Barry Bonds. He's the next Dubya.
-by Evans Clinchy
