Dear SOS,
I've had a thing for my best friend's roommate since the beginning of the year. She's super-cool, but I haven't had a good opportunity to make the first move. She lives in West, so I'm totally going to party it up the night of NQR in her room. I'm pretty sure we'll both have enough social lubricant in our systems for something to happen, but is NQR the best time to make a move?
Will I come across as a huge sketchball if I hit on her ... naked? Also, my best friend is in a pretty serious relationship with her BF, and he's being all weird about letting her run this year. How can I party in her room if she's not partaking in the festivities!? I need to convince her BF that NQR is not driven by sexual motives but more so by the sheer wish for bodily liberation and quasi-hippie athleticism!
Nude with attitude,Frostbitten Frank
Dear Frostbitten Frank,
Although uniting with your super-crush on the night of NQR would make for some great "So, how did you guys meet each other?" conversations, there inevitably will be certain logistical circumstances that could act as a blockade to your romantic endeavors.
First of all, pre-Monday night (a.k.a. Today. Right now. Let's go.), you need to assess your NQR style. How are you going to go about the disrobing portion of the night? Do you think you and your crush would prefer to pace yourselves, one article of clothing at a time (a friendly game of strip-Pretty-Pretty-Princess, anyone?) Or do you just want to action-potential it (all-or-nothing status)? Whichever you choose, just make sure to keep your crush's degree of "social lubrication" in mind when NQRing - little may you know, but some individuals consciously choose to be slightly under-inebriated in order to make a mental map of certain, uh, assets.
Secondly, we need to address a little-communicated topic surrounding NQR: cold-weather-induced phallic atrophy. That's all I'm gonna say - Tianyao, I'm venturing into your territory, girl. Boys, just keep the phenomenon in mind and then gauge whether you really want to make the first move on the judgment-filled night of NQR.
The final impediment to your NQR macking would be the complete elimination of the socially-accepted common steps to hooking-up. Simultaneous NQRing ends up leaving nothing to the imagination, which can be jarring to a first-timer. However, the "cut-to-the-chase" mentality of the event can act as your savior in the whole "so, uh, we get naked when?" situation.
But, despite my warnings, if you still want to embrace the NQR hookup, you need to time the events precisely. Will you be having an NQR sandwich with the hookups acting as the bread? Or is this sandwich served open-faced with the hookup prefacing the aforementioned "nighttime quad reception?" The most probable series of events to ensue are as follows: NQR, awk re-robing, then much-awaited hookup with a mini-NQR reenactment in your dorm (minus the Q. and the R).
Your BFF, however, has a reciprocal, yet equally pressing issue. Although her boyfriend's protective anti-nudist measures are slightly warranted (but not so much if your BFF is a stripper), they also impose a false image of the true NQR motives. Yes, you have considered using NQR as a mechanism to facilitate a desired hookup, but to put it honestly, most people will be too worried about themselves to actually take the time and focus on the projected state of their love lives.
NQR should, for the most part, be based on the desire to liberate oneself from both the stress of first semester, and, well, the stress of wearing clothing. The act of NQRing is not considered to be an exhibitionist act of self-display (except maybe to the creepy townies who apparently become future Youtube superstars thanks to their grainy night-vision vids of our naked bodies ...), but rather a platonic portrayal of youthful candor.
The decision to run in NQR should always be the decision of the runner in question, without the influence of friends, roommates or significant others. If your BFF decides to run, she should consider running with both her BF and her closest friends, in order to create a balance between her romantic and companionable running styles.
So my frostbitten friend, run this Monday with pride and agility. And if you choose the Pretty-Pretty-Princess pre-gaming option, please wear the crown while running. Just for me.
Contact Charlotte to get advice for all your problems at Charlotte.Steinway@tufts.edu.
