Well, this is the end - of the semester, of 2006, of Michael Richard's career. And that got The Daily thinking: In our society, one little divorce, drunk driving incident or racial rant can land you on the next episode of "E! True Hollywood Story" faster than you can say "comeback." We've observed more than a few career-ending moves this year in a variety of arenas, the likes of which rival some of the more spectacular gaffes of recent history. With an eye to education and prevention, in this (appropriately) final installment of the Top Ten this semester, we present the somewhat arbitrarily chosen Top Ten Career-Ending Moves - and the People Who Made Them.
10) Kevin Federline, divorcing Britney Spears - With a charismatic public persona and more talent than he knew what to do with, Kevin Federline had all the potential in the world. Rightly not wanting to be K-fettered by his nagging wife, things ended in November, when Federline was dismissed via text message. Recently, one of his shows had to be cancelled because not enough people (our guess is no one) bought tickets to it. With his debut album, the sleeper "Playing with Fire," largely critically ignored, hungry fans are left to wonder what might have been had that strumpet wife of his not yanked the rug out from under his gifted feet.
9) MC Hammer, filing for bankruptcy - Please, Hammer, don't hurt us, because we've just got to come out and say it: You filed for bankruptcy in the mid-'90s, but it was already well past your "Hammer time." Your subsequent fall from grace shows us that, sometimes, you actually can touch this. Or, you're just illegit enough to quit. Really, there are too many jokes to make.
8) Mel Gibson, being Mel Gibson - While many celebrities manage to maintain successful careers after driving drunk, Mel made the poor decision to add a couple of anti-Semitic remarks to the mix. After recently having created one of the most celebrated (and celebratory) films of the Christian faith, "The Passion of the Christ" (2004), this confirmed fears that Mel wasn't just pro-Christian, but too anti-everything else for the satisfaction of the general public. Good thing this new film "Apocalypto" looks completely uncontroversial.
7) Various people, dying - Though Tupac has somehow managed to keep releasing albums from beyond the grave, death is generally a career-ending move and ill-advised to any celebrity who wants to achieve superstardom.6) Trent Lott, advocating Strom Thurmond - In 2002, the then-incoming Senate Majority Leader said, "If the rest of the country had followed [Mississippi's] lead [when they voted for segregationist Strom Thurmond for President in 1948], we wouldn't have had all these problems we've had over the years, either." He was subsequently forced to resign and shelve any further political ambitions. That wasn't the worst part, though. The worst was when he went on BET to clarify what he meant.
5) The Dixie Chicks, getting political - As the Dixie Chicks showed the world in 2003 after bashing their not-President Bush at a concert in London, sometimes celebrities should give politics and politicians the "Wide Open Spaces" they need to make their big mistakes.
4) Jennifer Grey, getting plastic surgery - This petite '80s starlet that dirty danced into our hearts with Patrick Swayze hurried her final bow when she got rhinoplasty in the early '90s. Reportedly, her own friends didn't recognize her, and neither did the movie-going public. Poor Jennifer, she has lost by a nose.
3) Haley Joel Osment, hitting puberty - The onset of adolescence is more damaging to a child star's career than a money-stealing parent or a blossoming cocaine addiction. When a sitcom's resident precocious cutie grows up (and grows awkward) a new precocious cutie is usually added to the cast faster than you can say Rudy Huxtable. Their storylines diminish as their breast/nose/waist sizes increase; soon comes cancellation, and then comes porn.
2) Pluto, having an erratic orbit - Pluto was once the small purple-painted ping pong ball in your elementary school shadow box of the Milky Way. Now, it's nothing more than a dwarf planet that hasn't cleared its own orbit, a prototype for trans-Neptunian objects. We expected bigger things from you, Pluto.
1) Denis Haskins, coming to Tufts - Slater's dancing with stars, Lisa's in Kanye West videos, Screech is starring in adult films, but what is Mr. Belding up to? Dennis Haskins, best known as Mr. Belding from "Saved by the Bell," is now giving free lectures on college campuses. The title of the speech? "Lecture Series Presents: Mr. Belding." The poor man doesn't even get to be billed under his real name. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
- by the Daily Arts Department
