Okay, okay, we know. The Indianapolis Colts are finally in the Super Bowl, and Peyton Manning finally has his chance to excise his January demons and cement his name alongside Namath, Montana and Brady. But not yet. Not for two more weeks, that is. These are the last two weeks we have to make fun of Peyton Manning before he finally wins the big one, and believe us, we're going to make the best of them. Here's to you, Peyton. In your honor, these are our Top 10 People Who Can't Win The Big One.
10. James Blake. He's the best tennis player in America, and thanks to his powerful serves and strong forehand, he's consistently among the top five on the planet. That said, you'd think he'd have won his fair share of majors in his career, right? Well... you'd be wrong.
9. Smarty Jones. Remember Smarty? Three years ago, Smarty Jones was hyped up to be one of the best horses in racing history, right up there with Secretariat and Man O' War. Smarty won both the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness in 2004, but when the Belmont came along, it was a time to choke.
8. Marty Schottenheimer. Thanks to the San Diego Chargers' Week 17 win over Arizona, Marty is now one of just five coaches in NFL history with 200 career wins! But the fact remains: he's a hideous 5-13 in the playoffs, including a disappointing collapse against the Patriots last week.
7. Martin Scorsese. Speaking of "Marty," the critically-acclaimed director of such great films as Goodfellas, Taxi Driver and Raging Bull has cemented his place among the all-time greats. The only flaw in his resume? No Oscars. Marty's been up for six Academy Awards in his career, and he's a big fat 0 for 6. The nod he received for directing The Departed may change things, however. Perhaps the seventh time's the charm.
6. Peter O'Toole. What's the only thing worse than losing six Oscar races? Losing seven. The legendary portrayer of the title character in Lawrence of Arabia is, like Scorsese, winless at the Academy Awards. Maybe his role in 2006's Venus will be O'Toole's Super Bowl XLI?
5. Any Chicago Cub. Really. Just pick one. Ernie Banks, Ron Santo, Ryne Sandberg, Billy Williams, Fergie Jenkins... all of them have zero World Series rings. Maybe if certain 26-year-old Cub fans could keep their hands off of Moises Alou's foul balls...
4. Karl Malone and John Stockton. Malone is the NBA's all-time third leading scorer, and Stockton has the most assists in the Association's history by far. On paper, they look like a winning combination, but in reality, they were together for 18 seasons with 18 failed playoff runs.
3. Dan Marino. If any NFL quarterback has an impressive career stat line, it's Marino. He had 61,361 passing yards (no one has more), 420 passing touchdowns (no one has more), and zero rings (no one has fewer). But hey... at least he's a champion of weight loss program commercials!
2. Charles Barkley. Say what you want about Sir Charles, but not even the alien that takes over his body in Space Jam knew how to win when it counted.
1. Alex Rodriguez. The Yankees have won a jaw-dropping 26 World Series titles, with a storied history that dates back to the days of Ruth and Gehrig. With a winning tradition like that, it would take an act of God to slow the Yanks down. Well, that or an act of a third baseman who makes 24 errors in a season and can't drive in a game-winning run to save his life.
-by Evans Clinchy
