With the Campus MovieFest upon us, we can't help but think that there are some great opportunities for movie plots that are being missed. But don't get us wrong: we're sure there are going to be tons of great student-made films. It's just that there are so many campus groups and personalities who won't have their voices heard at the MovieFest. The possibilities for their movies are endless (especially if you just take the titles or plots of other, more famous movies).
Without further ado, here are our top 10 ideas of movies that should have been filmed - we can only hope their (completely fictional) stories are told next year.
10) ECO's "Inconvenient Truth: Part 2" - Some say that Al Gore's film was all entertainment (yes, it's actually been said), and light on the actual facts about global warming. A surefire winner for the almost assuredly liberal judges at the MovieFest, then, would be a second Powerpoint movie; but let this one be jam-packed with hard scientific evidence that only people who are already scared of global warming will understand. Sure, it won't change anybody's mind, but Al Gore's probably didn't either.
9) Hotung's "Limit 2 BeerFest" - If you're lucky enough to gain entry to this exclusive, elite competition - that is if you bring a Tufts ID, a passport, a Green Card, a Massachusetts ID and a letter from your mother saying you've been a good little boy or girl - be prepared for the competition of a lifetime. Events include: who can drink two beers the fastest, who can drink two beers the slowest and who can think of something else to do with only two beers. The Germans have nothing on us this time. Prepare to get wasted American style: having absolutely no fun.
8) "Pet Sematary 3: The Return of Jumbo" - After a group of graduate students reconstruct Jumbo's DNA from his remaining ashes, the entire Tufts campus celebrates the return of their cherished mascot. Jumbo, however, is no longer the same loving and playful animal he once was, and the elephant unleashes his fury across the school grounds with his razor-sharp tusks and bone-crushing hooves, showing absolutely no mercy.
7) "TUPD Blues" - If you think being a police officer is a tough job, you have no idea. One of Tufts' finest chronicles his exhilarating life on duty, as he protects and serves us all against having too much of a good time at a party.
6) "Iron Chef: Dewick vs. Carmichael" - As the chefs from uphill and downhill sharpen their spatulas, Dewick supporters cheer for the undeniable superiority of the panini machines and Carmy dwellers bask in the assurance that nothing could top stir-fry night. Unfortunately, the competition turns ugly as chefs begin pelting each other with multiple bags of frozen baked cod, frozen peas and frozen French fries. The curious fried potato patties in the shape of smiley faces will be the only ones laughing.
5) Traveling Treasure Trunk's "Shallow Throat: Deep Throat, Part 2" - TTT hearkens back to a classic in their new remake of "Deep Throat" (1972), "Shallow Throat," set to forge new terrain in the "family film" genre. With important messages about the dos and don'ts of oral sex, TTT will utilize puppets to act out important, educational scenes.
4) "Night at the Late Night Study" - Even though low-budget films have little leeway when it comes to special effects, this film would require great mastery of direction and computer animation to make the nerds lurking in Tisch after 1:00 come alive, bursting out from behind cubicles and laptops. The hero, upon entering the silent area, has no idea what terror erupts when an unexpected phone call makes his cell phone ring, resulting in an epic fight scene including too many paper cuts, a textbook-induced concussion, and the ingenuity of the laptop wire lasso.
3) TDC's "Dirty Dancing" - In a story about love and class struggles, a na've Tufts freshman goes to the student activities fair expecting to find a respectable boy with similar interests, but instead falls for the sexy TDC star who unfortunately got into college on a need-based scholarship, something mommy and daddy would look down upon. Secretly joining TDC, her private lessons lead to family fights and a fall from innocence; when she is forbidden to date the dancing hunk, she has to enter a Facebook marriage with a friend as a brilliant cover for her true love.
2) Pre-Frosh "Lost" - Suddenly, several young high school students find themselves abandoned on Tufts Campus. Who can they trust, and how will they survive? Amid multiple flashbacks, they must overcome hangovers, TUPD, and sketchy townies known only as "The Others."
1) "Old School" by the Bacows - While the Bacows aren't trying to start a new fraternity and though they don't have loud parties on the President's lawn, they're perfectly willing to tell students about "the good old days" of their academic careers. Instead of another teen college comedy, this "Old School" would feature the Bacows treating us to a leisurely three hour tour through their time in college. Who wouldn't love this movie? Oh right, everyone.
-by Daily Arts Staff
