On April 24, Sheryl Crow made a novel suggestion to aid in the fight against global warming: a limit on personal use of toilet paper. While Ms. Crow later said that her comments were "a joke", we at the Daily would like to make clear that this line of conversation is no laughing matter.
Although Tufts is naturally interested in being environmentally aware, adoption of the Crow Doctrine of "only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required" would be disastrous for our society.
While such small quantities of toilet paper might be all that is required for the legendary (and petite) folk singer, she refuses to take into account the varying body sizes and shapes that make up our great nation. We at Tufts value diversity, both in our community and our country.
This is a nation that believes in the parity of great and small, of narrow and wide; in a country where 63 percent of the adult population is obese (according to this year's IHRSA/ASD Obesity/Weight Control Report) we as Tufts students and as residents of the great nation of America must not stand for the kind of narrow-waisted elitism espoused by the composer of such hits as "All I Wanna Do," "If it Makes You Happy," "Everyday is a Winding Road," and other classics. Especially considering that childhood obesity has more than tripled in the last three decades, it is clear that Ms. Crow is not thinking of the children.
Not only is this policy intolerant of our nation's obese and larger-than-average citizens, but also it would devastate the American toilet paper industry by reducing the amount of toilet paper used and thus the amount sold and the profits earned.
China and India are already hot on the heels of American industry, and in today's global market, they will look for any excuse to portray the economy of the United States as fragile and weak.
Any decrease in our toilet paper production would only be seen as another example of America's economic decline.
And what of the hard-working employees of toilet paper-making factories? What of the diligent and assiduous men and women who ensure that our supermarkets, drugstores and general stores are stocked with bathroom tissue of varying quality and comfort? In the bathroom, as on a battlefield, all men are considered equal - and these brave young men and women are supplying the ammunition.
Students of Tufts, these foot soldiers of American hygiene depend on us for their livelihood, and this paper for one refuses to deprive them of it.
We at this fine and venerable institution of higher learning must stand up and make it known that Ms. Crow's discrimination and ignorance does not speak for us.
Ms. Crow, you should be ashamed of yourself.
To speak of limiting our freedoms at a time when the United States is at war with the enemies of liberty demoralizes our troops and heartens our enemies. It is unjust, it is unreasonable, and it is downright un-American. We await your apology.
