Dear Diablo Cody,
Or should we say 'yo-yo-giggity-yo?'
We KNOW that's not your real name. In fact, we heard you were once a stripper. As in, you got naked in front of random guys, homeskillet. We got this tip-off on our hamburger phone. It was kind of awkward, but, you know, not as awkward as a mailbox full of orange Tic-Tacs. Speaking of awkward, how 'bout that dress you wore to the Oscars? Did you buy that from Wilma Flintstone? We were expecting you to pedal up in your own stone-rolling limo.
What we're really curious about, though, is what other shenanigans you have up your sleeve. We don't mean to pry, though; we at the Daily know you'd like to "keep it in the oven" for a bit longer. Let the story get a little bit more... juicy. Like that blue Slurpee we once charmingly threw up into our stepmother's urn. Oh wait, did that happen to us, or some other uber-hip, name-dropping, sarcastic-yet-endearing teen? If only we had Belle and Sebastian playing in the background of our high school hijinks, maybe our lives would've been a little more Oscar-worthy.
Now, we at the Daily did love your movie, but that doesn't stop us from doing a bit of a sociological examination. We know yuppies are more fun than a whole bottle full o' Sunny D, but we're a little desensitized to the post-NYC hipster-gets-a-job character. It's too much like our collective futures. Ellen Page might be your new best friend, but it's a little creepy how similar you two sound in interviews together. For shiz! Check out YouTube - it's there.
We'd like to thank you for introducing us to blueberry-flavored condoms, though; they're the hit of the entire office. We've also used them to great effect as air fresheners. On the whole, Ms. Cody, your movie was a triumph and the Oscar justly deserved, but is it too much to ask that teenagers not be expected to be even wittier than we (what, we're still teens...) currently are? There's enough stress on us already without having to be the outspoken voices of all that was forgotten about growing up. We'd rather just quote song lyrics on our LiveJournals and let them speak for us.
Yours in the stripping faith,
The Daily arts department
