Though the Daily has no qualms with Jon Stewart, we think it's about time the Academy gets a little more creative with its selection of Oscar hosts. Stewart has now hosted two of the last three ceremonies and, if he follows in the footsteps of Whoopi Goldberg, he will soon be slated for two more. This system of repetition, though simple, leaves too many talented people out of the running. To help with the selection next year, the Daily has compiled this shortlist of 10 possible hosts the Academy should consider.
10. The Pope: Although he certainly deserves consideration, the pope would probably just be a Debbie Downer the whole time. But maybe listening to him speak on the rhythm method as birth control and the idea of marriage for life might have some effect on those heathens in Hollywood.
9. Natalie Portman: Does this one even really need an explanation? Natalie can do anything and be good at it. I bet you didn't know that she invented the cure for AIDS while doing a biathalon, now did you? Look it up.
8. Gary Busey: Ever since ... well, his birth, something has been slightly off-kilter with this guy, and it would make for great television. If we're lucky, he'd go on a rant about the perks of cannibalism.
7. Sarah Silverman: Her deliciously politically incorrect humor would be right at home with a bunch of stuck-up film aficionados and serious actors. A good abortion joke would be a sure thing to bring the house down.
6. Cher/A Gigantic Robotic Dinosaur: Because frankly, there's no real obvious difference between the two. Between her androgynous voice and the fact that her appearance hasn't changed a bit in the 60 or so years she's been alive, Cher doesn't actually seem human. Huge tyrannosaurus or wild outfits? It's a tough choice.
5. George W. Bush: Think about it. At this time next year, this guy will be out of work (hold for applause). Perhaps hosting the Oscars would be something he excels at. Frankly, all he would need to do is repeat his line, "History will be the judge of my administration," and he's sure to bring the audience to tears.
4. Andy Rooney: "I've never really understood modern television. These days, anyone can get up on a stage and win an award! I've never much liked the Oscars; seems to me they would've been better off just keeping it in black and white like the old days. And sound! Wasn't it better when we could just stare at Natalie Portman in peace and quiet? What? You say I'm hosting the Oscars? Why, this is poppycock!"
3. Jack Nicholson: He practically hosts the Oscars each year anyway, sitting in the front row with his shades and looking like he owns the place. We're pretty sure that he's in character all the time, and by that we mean insane.
2. Zombie Bob Hope: Just because he's dead doesn't mean he should stop hosting anything. I mean, look at the guy's record. A hundred years of comedy (hosting the Oscars a whopping 18 times) - what's five more? At least rotting limbs would be more exciting than Jon Stewart trying to remain remotely hip while workin' fo' the man.
1. President Bacow: After his cameo in the opera this weekend, hosting the Oscars is really only one step away. After all the hype surrounding his debut, Bacow's performance is sure to launch our beloved president into instant celebrity status.
-compiled by the Daily arts department
