Dear Emperor's Club,
In the wake of your business being uncovered as a prostitution ring (who would have thought?) involving New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, we're beginning to get antsy. Seeing as how Eliot Spitzer got busted and had to resign, we at the Daily arts department are suddenly worried about our own pseudo-secret prostitution habits.
As a respected media outlet, we simply cannot risk the public disgrace that comes with having to admit that we have violated any and every sense of moral decency. It would be best to keep such violations on the down low. If you want to keep our business, you'll have to start showing us that we're getting what we pay for.
But how can we be sure we are safe? How are you going to protect our anonymity? Client #9, hah! We'd be far too easily identifiable as clients #10-17. For $3000 an hour, we'd best get some bodyguards. The girls' ranking system in diamonds is ingenious, but who knew we'd have to pay diamond prices?
You know, our section's "Relaxation and Group Bonding" budget only allows for $2000 a weekend, that is, until our ad revenues really start coming in. Would it help if we offered you some free advertising? Maybe a review? Sorry, but we're just an independently funded, free newspaper you know.
While we do love ourselves some classy ladies, we're unfortunately going to have to cancel our membership with all of this nonsense going on. If any of your girls are going to relocate to the Boston area, please keep us updated, as we will need to find a new source of...reporting.
With all these late nights at the Daily, we won't be able to go on for too long without a good midnight "editing session."
Yours,
The Daily arts department
P.S. Daily Editor-in-Chief Matthew J. Skibinski would like to keep his personal account open.
