Dear Hillary Clinton,
On Monday night you appeared on the "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," a move you yourself said was "pretty pathetic." We wouldn't go that far; we can see you were just trying to connect with younger voters, and it looks like it might have paid off.
What was pathetic, however, was your image. Come on - young voters don't want to see a giddy, plastic-y Hillary who laughs at all Jon Stewart's jokes. That might fly for the 25- to 30-year-old crowd, but we, the real youth voters, demand a little something more. Here are a few style tips to better connect with the youth of America:
You could go for the hobo-chic look that the Olsen twins have perfected. Let's face it, while the long, baggy coat, leggings and large designer sunglasses look doesn't appeal to many of us, maybe it would give Hilary the edge she's looking for. Maybe it would even make her seem sympathetic to those who are less fortunate than she is. Although wearing furs probably won't garner her that many votes.
Young people liked "The O.C.," right? Well, you could try Malibu Beach Hillary. Join Hillary as she navigates the ins and outs of McMansions and the coke diet. Includes boob job, tanning bed, small yappy dog and skin cancer at age 45.
We know it's been a tough race losing to Obama these last few weeks; why don't you cry about it? Let some of that bottomless darkness out of your soul and show it to the American people! Instead of promising hope, what would really connect with the youth vote is a little angsty despair. A little blue drippy eye shadow and a broken heart T-shirt never hurt anyone, except maybe Good Charlotte. We at the Daily just think you'd be more accessible in ripped jeans.
Perhaps the most up-to-date idea would be the Amy Winehouse look. While power suits and short hair may be all the rage for politicians, a good pair of skinny jeans, a dirty white tank top and some extended eyeliner would assuredly make the confused, dirty youth of today feel at home. The hardest part of this getup is finding a way to get down to a measly eighty pounds in only a few weeks. If only there was something that could curb your appetite and decrease your urge to bathe simultaneously...
Finally, get some backup dancers. Sure, it was impressive that you got a handful of kids to sit quietly behind you during the Jon Stewart interview, but seriously, they were not sexy at all. Next time, dress them in skimpy outfits add flashing lights, a smoke machine and some champagne, and you're guaranteed to carry the crunk vote in the next primary.
Yours,
The Daily arts department
