In honor of Keith Van Horn's current situation, in which he's paid $4 million to do...absolutely nothing, the Daily gives you the Top 10 Cushiest Jobs in Sports. Only here can you get paid millions of dollars to sit around and not work, so don't get your hopes up lazy bums.
10. Albert Belle: The former Indians star managed to rake in millions for three straight seasons even though he did not play a single game. Belle remained on the Baltimore Orioles payroll during the 2001-2003 seasons despite not passing his physical because he suffered from degenerative osteoarthritis in his hip.
9. Laurence Maroney: Sure running backs look like they get beat up a lot. But when your team is passing on every down, things aren't so bad. And when Maroney does run, he gets to follow an offensive line featuring three Pro Bowlers. He has the easiest job for a running back since Jerome Bettis.
8. Coxswains: With apologies to members of the crew team, being a coxswain isn't too hard a job. Sure, you have to steer, but how hard is it to go in a straight line? Plus, you get to yell at everyone to do the hard part: rowing.
7. Carl Pavano: In 2004 Pavano signed a four-year, $39.5 million contract with the New York Yankees. What did the Yanks get for their money? In three years, Pavano has only five wins, a 4.77 earned run average, and has pitched once in the last two years. No wonder he has earned the nickname "American Idle."
6. NASCAR drivers: You get tons of chicks, endorsement deals, money and recognition (anywhere south of Maryland at least). And all you have to do is make a bunch of left turns.
5. Joe Paterno: JoePa has held his Happy Valley La-Z-Boy since 1966. If anyone else had taken a storied program from Rose Bowl win to a 1-7 record inside of a decade, they'd be run out of town. Runner-up: Bobby Bowden.
4. Jockeys: You get to ride on an incredibly fast animal that propels you to victory and does all the work. The most jockeys have to do is be small and use their whip.
3. Matt Cassel/Jim Sorgi: What's easier than being a backup quarterback in the NFL? Being a backup for Tom Brady or Peyton Manning. Manning has not missed a game for the Colts in 10 seasons while Brady has started every game since he became the Patriots' number one quarterback. It's even better than being a punter.
2. Hank Haney: Apparently Hank Haney teaches golf. That's fine and all, but why is he teaching it to Tiger Woods? The man has 63 wins on the PGA tour and is an almost sure-fire bet to best Jack Nicklaus' record of 18 career majors. If Haney is really that good, maybe Woods can use all his money to give lessons to other players so he can finally have some competition.
1. The designated hitter: Talk about an easy job. While the rest of your teammates jog out to the field, DH's hang out on the bench eating sunflower seeds and drinking Gatorade. Roughly four times a game, a DH gets up and swings the bat. It just goes to show you that you can succeed in life if you are really good at one thing.
