Just when one thinks, "My TV repertoire is noticeably missing a romance-reality show that combines 'The Newlywed Game' with 'Survivor,'" the programming geniuses at ABC have surprised audiences with "Here Come the Newlyweds."
The show features seven recently married couples of different backgrounds. Each week, one couple is eliminated from the show until only two couples are left to duke it out for a $300,000 prize. This six-episode series is hosted by Pat Bullard, who is also interviewed throughout the show to gauge the contestants' progress. A former host of "Love Connection," Bullard has mastered all things necessary for a dating game show host: a hilarious combination of sexual innuendo, cheesy one-liners and jokes about getting yelled at by his wife.
But a charming host does not a great reality game show make. This show is centered on the couples. Among them are a pair who fell in love at first sight, a couple on their collective seventh marriage and a modern-day arranged marriage. All seven couples live in one house together and compete in challenges that are meant to test their communication skills and how well they know one another.
In the first episode of the series, for example, each woman had to kiss each blindfolded man on the cheek, and the man had to guess which kiss belonged to his wife. The only couple who failed this ridiculous test is the Woodwards, the older couple on their seventh marriage. Watching this pair, one begins to wonder if they know each other at all. Toni Woodward jovially tells us that she and her husband went on their first date the day his third divorce was filed. She goes on to say that they were married quickly thereafter. In further interviews, when each partner is asked what physical feature he or she likes best about his or her partner, Toni manages only a blank stare.
The Krashins, who have been together since 1993 when they were both in high school but only recently wed, are the most redeeming couple on the show. They appear to be comfortable with one another and their relationship and share a refreshingly self-deprecating perspective. The Krashins seem the most real, if only because they are not as cloyingly lovey-dovey as the other contestants.
When a sex therapist comes to the house, things get slightly more interesting. Each couple is asked how often they think they should be having sex per week. The Bajwas, the arranged marriage, are noticeably uncomfortable discussing sexual matters in front of the other couples (and, eventually, some reality-television-loving portion of America). This couple brings another welcome whiff of fresh air to the show since their story is at least interesting. The Bajwas' reason is that their parents want what is best for them, so why shouldn't parents strongly suggest a spouse? Fair enough, but some of the other couples are already suspicious of this untraditional (or is it traditional?) wooing process, and there could be trouble for the Bajwas down the road.
The episode provides intermittent interview segments that look suspiciously like those eHarmony.com commercials. Standing in front of a white backdrop, each couple gushes about each other - how they met, how he proposed. These interviews are a pretty good indicator of the tone of the show.
Though it is cheesy and stale, it is at least good-natured. Editors of this show, unlike other challenge-based reality shows, are not trying to make scheming monsters out of the contestants. The fact that this is the best that can be said of a show indicates how low our expectations of television programming have become. Worse still is that without the plotting and scheming we've come to expect from shows of this nature, "Here Come the Newlyweds" is as dull as an hour-long online-dating commercial hosted by a poor man's Chuck Woolery.
