Dear J.K. Rowling,
We at the Tufts Daily Arts Department heard about your recent legal battles over the lucrative Harry Potter franchise, namely the creation of a Harry Potter encyclopedia. We have complete faith that you will win, achieve domination of everything Harry Potter-related and add another $100 million to the stockpile of cash we're sure you sleep on every night.
However, there are many more interesting ways for you to get rid of the hoards of people trying to jump on the Harry Potter bandwagon. You could knock them in the head with a Quidditch bludger, or you could send one of those dragons that a certain unnecessary Weasley brother works with. You could also send that ogre Hagrid to put the fear of Dumbledore in them, or, as a last resort of course, you could just pull out your wand (yes, we know you are a witch J.K.) and avada kedavra their butts to kingdom come.
At the same time ,though, it is your own fault for not having thought of a Harry Potter encyclopedia/dictionary. We're talking close to 5,000 pages of reading material here, so there is no way that the normal Harry Potter fan can remember every spell or every shenanigan Harry Potter and his happy band of misfits got themselves into. At your lawsuit on Monday, you claimed you weren't upset with this book because of the money it would take away from you, but then you also said you were working on your own Harry Potter encyclopedia. Apparently there isn't a spell for logic.
The point is while we appreciate Harry Potter and all it has given our pop culture-addicted lives, you should learn to share the Harry Potter love and wealth. Besides, none of us wants to wait three years for you to write your so-called encyclopedia, and we're pretty sure yours would still make big bucks, so quit worrying.
Sincerely,
The Daily Arts Department
