The fervor to ban Four Loko, a popular alcoholic beverage and energy drink, has reached unprecedented heights. Just this Friday, the state of Michigan banned the item, citing its 12 percent alcohol content and colorful design, which legislators see as an appeal to the youth market.
Other university administrators are already fully cognizant of the threat posed by this miracle drink — Harvard, Boston College and Northeastern have all issued warnings to their student bodies. The problem with Four Loko is that once it gains a foothold, its steady and disseminative leakage into surrounding communities soon becomes a flood that rapidly converts innocent people into dedicated consumers.
The town that makes up half of our campus, Somerville, seeks to reverse this trend by banning Four Loko. That's right, city officials — and, more specifically, Alderman-at-Large Bruce Desmond — want to ban Four Loko.
Some view Alderman's ill-fated attempt to save his community from a worldwide trend as a noble effort, but the college community will likely disapprove. However, before readers pass judgment on Desmond's motion, I urge them to consider the ban as an opportunity for a groundswell of active citizenship.
This active citizenship will save our campus, culminating in a movement that will unite the Tisch College of Citizenship and Public Service, the Institute for Global Leadership, the Leonard Carmichael Society, the Tufts Peer Health Exchange and the Daily Features Department. These student groups must form a coalition with local politicians in an attempt to ban Four Loko on the basis that it will relieve the tension stemming from our strained "town-gown" relationship. By engaging with the disenfranchised community of Somerville, we could improve our standing with townies everywhere while giving our student activist population some experience in true social justice.
The problem is that as progressive-minded as Tufts students are, few of them would ever consider banning Four Loko. The benefits of the drink are simply too difficult to pass up: It gets you very drunk in a short amount of time, it keeps you awake long after the Tufts University Police Department has shut down every party within a five-mile radius, and it's more economical than dropping five dollars for a cup at some hipster's basement costume party where the keg will be kicked before you manage to get even one refill. Four Loko even tastes better than beer — you just need to discover your right flavor, a sensation only comparable to a Na'vis from "Avatar" (2009) first mounting his lifelong Ikran.
Four Loko also addresses the personal needs of Tufts' social scene. Who needs beer goggles when you can wear Four Loko's virtual reality headset — the beverage unfailingly renders even the most unsightly of potential partners into a palatable option. They don't call it "blackout in a can" for nothing.
Despite these various benefits, the activists of Tufts must ban Four Loko. They must ignore claims made by the manufacturer of the drink, Phusion Projects, which recently declared, "when consumed responsibly, [Four Loko] is just as safe as any other alcoholic beverage." Instead, these activists must point out that Four Loko is a harmful drug that poses a threat to unassuming consumers. They must join me in declaring that the party is over, and in order to avoid a life-crushing societal hangover, we must renounce our consumption of Four Loko. And we must do it alongside our fellow progressive-minded legislators and city officials, whose desire to intrude on private life remains intact despite voters' recent backlash against such measures.
Such perseverance should motivate the true active citizens of Tufts to bridge the gap with our townie brethren in order to save the world from Four Loko once and for all.
--
CJ Saraceno is a senior majoring in political science. He can be reached at Christopher.Saraceno@tufts.edu.
