In case you missed the first article, this is a series about how to have great sex. It's meant to be interactive, so if you have any sex questions of your own, send me an anonymous email to tufts.housemate@gmail.com, and I'll try to answer it in a future column. Last time, the discussion was all about communication and feeling relaxed. This time, I'll provide some thoughts about cunnilingus. A quick note — oral can transmit STIs just like unprotected sex. Talk to your partner, and get a free dental dam from health services if you'd prefer.
Before your partner drops trou, you've got to be mentally prepared. Maybe you're cool with licking your girl down there, but I have friends who wouldn't consider it. First of all, if you think it's going to be terrible, it will be, so go in with a positive attitude, and you'll likely be pleasantly surprised. Don't think of this as doing her a favor; if you do a good job, her reaction will be sexy enough to make it worth your while. Now that your head's in the game …
This goes back to the whole comfort thing, but warm your girl up first. Talk to her, play with her hair, nibble her ears (they are way more sensual than you think) and tell her how you feel; just hold her. She'll likely be self−conscious, especially if this is her first time (or yours), so be respectful. Slowly work down from her head, taking advantage of several stops along the way (breasts, belly button, inner thighs). Use her reactions as a gauge on how to proceed. If she seems at all uncomfortable, take a break. No reason to rush things.
Now comes the fun part. Start off gently until you find out what kind of pressure she likes. At first just kind of explore her with your tongue. Maybe incorporate a finger or two inside her. If you did a good job warming her up, you should be able to tell at this point. You may already know this, but under NO circumstances make the "icky face." Even if it's not what you signed up for, and you have to stop, be nice about it. She's doing you a favor by allowing you to be intimate with her, so don't make her feel self−conscious — it's so easy to prevent and so hard to shake.
At this point, the key is communication. Encourage her to tell you what feels good, and do it. If you aren't sure what to do, try tracing the ABCs (or numbers if you're an engineer). Once you find what she likes, keep doing that thing, and DON'T stop. I was talking to a friend about this, and her advice was spot on: "Keep going until you feel like you are going to die. Then keep going." Truer words were never spoken. Your job isn't done until she says it's done, but don't worry, your perseverance will be rewarded in kind, I'm sure.
A few other notes and suggestions: Beard growers — pick a style of facial hair and stick to it. Beards and moustaches are fine, as is the clean−shaven look, but try to avoid the one−to−three−day stubble. Nobody likes beard burn. Secondly, keep your nails trimmed. Ouch. Thirdly, don't be afraid to show her you're enjoying yourself; she can feel your breath and energy. Knowing that you're into it will make her enjoy the experience even more. The most important step comes later, when you're cuddling: Ask her how you did. Find out what worked and what didn't, so you can be even better next time. The trick is to think of it as a game — there's always room for improvement, and everybody wins.
