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The Tufts Daily
Where you read it first | Monday, April 15, 2024

In Pursuit of Eggcellence: Trial #3 — The kettle

My mother was not happy about my last column’s raw egg-eating revelation. Immediately after I sent her the link, I received a text reading “Girl!” (my mom texts like she just stepped off the set of “Clueless”), “This is not how I raised you! What were you thinking!” I countered with some salient points about my current aliveness and frequent consumption of raw cookie dough and received a trio of spiral-eye emojis in response. So, in an effort to please the payer of my tuition, this week I will set aside the poaching and make an attempt with my old standby, the electric kettle.

The electric kettle. Definitely the best dorm purchase I made by far. The one who makes my ramen possible. Tea. Hot chocolate. Korean instant coffee (pro tip: use two). Electric kettle, my beloved. Anyway…

Attempt #3

Setting the scene: I’ve just returned from spring break. The shuttle arrived just as I emerged from the Davis T stop — one of life’s many blessings. As a reward for having won fate’s favor, I decided to make some ramen for lunch. And I have “Riverdale” (2017–) to catch up on. I used to claim that I watched “Riverdale” ironically, but sometimes as I listen to the recap podcast, I wonder what the upper limit on irony is. Oh well. For now, the kettle awaits.

Methodology: I fill it about halfway with water from the bathroom sink (only the best cloudy Miller Hall water for my baby) and drop the egg in as carefully as I am able. ‘As carefully as I am able’ is not very careful, but I do my best. The dull ‘thunk’ as it hits the bottom is not promising. Bring water to boil as usual, let it sit for about three minutes, carefully balance it on my way to the bathroom with an empty container in hand. I, then, fill the container with cold water, pour the hot water into the sink and dump the egg unceremoniously into the cool water. The next step is to take out my phone, scan my key, touch the mezuzah, put my phone away and open the fairly heavy door. This is a balancing act. It’s possible that some water from the egg container ended up on the floor. Who can say exactly what occurred?

First impressions: Ouch, hot, etc. We’re familiar with this routine by now.

Second impressions: There’s a little chunk of cooked egg that seems to have escaped during the dull ‘thunk’ but cooked outside the shell and is still attached. Fascinating.

Third impressions: Good egg. Slightly runny yolk, solid white. Maybe just slightly more cooked than I would’ve liked, but you can’t win them all.

Like I said, the kettle is consistent. The only thing I take issue with is all the mask-putting-on and mask-taking-off and remembering to take my phone with me and opening doors while holding open containers of water. As the last kid in my kindergarten class to learn to jump with both feet, coordination has never exactly been my strong suit.

Conclusion: The kettle is, as always, a solid performer. 8/10.