Call me old-fashioned. Maybe it's just that I like tall guys in short shorts. I like to say that I'm old school. Especially when it comes to basketball.
Well, I'm as old school as a 20-year old kid can be. I like basketball from the '80s and early '90s. So maybe I'm not that old school, but I say it beats the hell out of what we have to watch today. When it comes to the NBA, I'll take ESPN Classic clips of the Lakers and the Pistons and Celtics over the NBA on TNT any day of the week, and every time we're forced to watch a triple-header in one night.
It's tempting to write a column about how weak the NBA is right now. I could probably write a few columns about it, but the fact is, I kind of like this year's league. I was more excited for the start of this season than I have been for the last few. I think teams might consistently start scoring in the 70-point range, and shooting percentages should climb above the 25 percent clip.
There are a lot of positive things about the NBA in 2000, but none of them stack up to the NBA of ten or 15 years ago. Take a trip back to my childhood with me, for a minute, if you will.
It's cool to watch Shaq dunk the ball, his defender, and Jack Nicholson through the hoop in the same kind of dominating way that it would be cool to watch Goliath slay David over and over. But I'll take the grace and beauty of a Kareem Abdul-Jabbar sky-hook, thank you.
And I don't mind watching Allen Iverson come down on a fast break, ignore the two open teammates he has, break his defender's ankles, and hit a reverse layup. But I much prefer watching Magic Johnson lead his team in a fast break where the ball never hits the ground.
Sure it's great to watch the Cavaliers and Nets tough it out through an 86-82 battle where Stephon Marbury, the Nets' best player and point guard, goes 3-17 from the field. But it was much better to watch those teams play in the early '90s, when the Cavs had Larry Nance, Craig Ehlo, and Mark Price (a point guard who passed first, shot second), and the score would have been the same, at the end of the third quarter.
One thing that was great about the '80s was that all five guys on the court got to touch the ball. It may sound odd, but they didn't used to draw up offenses where one guy sets a pick, one guy dribbles a lot, and the other three compare stock portfolios.
Yeah, it's funny that Iverson and Sam Perkins have corn rows, but it was funnier when the whole front line for the Lakers (Kareem, James Worthy, and Kurt Rambis) wore goggles.
Oh, and another thing, nicknames these days are weak compared to ten years ago. Now each team may have one guy with a nickname. The Spurs have the Admiral, the Raptors have Air Canada, and the Sonics have the Glove. It used to be whole teams had nicknames. Take the Pistons, they had the Worm, the Spider, Buddha, and the Microwave all on the court at one time.
What it boils down to, though, is there is a lot of individual talent in the league right now. But there were better basketball players in the '80s.
Just for fun, think of a mock game between Team Short Shorts (all '80s) and Team Range Rover (2000). We'll leave out Jordan, as he would throw off the competitive balance. But for my Team Short Shorts starting five, I would take Magic Johnson, Clyde Drexler, Larry Bird, Charles Barkley, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, with James Worthy, Karl Malone, and Isiah Thomas coming off the bench. For fun, we'll have Chuck Daly manning the sidelines with Frank Layden and Pat Riley as his assistants.
For Team Range Rover, we've got Jason Kidd, Kobe Bryant, Vince Carter, Kevin Garnett and Shaquille O'Neal, with Gary Payton, Allen Iverson, and Tim Duncan coming off the bench. They've got Scott Skiles, Byron Scott, and Isiah Thomas coaching (he can coach one team and play for another, it's my game).
There may be a little more individual talent on Team Range Rover, but you've got to wonder how they decide who gets the ball. For Team Short Shorts, Magic's distributing the ball everywhere, they're playing help defense, and rebounding as a team. They don't wave off picks, they hold jerseys without being caught, and they talk better trash.
In the end, I see the game tied with about 30 seconds to play. Team Range Rover inbounds the ball to Kobe, who can't decide whether to drive the lane and shoot, dribble for a while and then shoot, or shoot a quick, wild three-pointer. Before he can make up his mind, Clyde the Glide steals the ball to start a fast break. He finds Magic on the outlet, who brings it down and makes a no-look pass to Larry Legend. He hits the Round Mound of Rebound with a touch pass, who drops it off to his trailer, Kareem, who dunks it as the clock expires.
See what I was saying about better nicknames.
