When Commissioner Mick Foley came to the ring after the main event match on RAW to finally identify the culprit of the Steve Austin hit and run last November, we didn't think that this year-long soap opera could get any worse. It did.
Rikishi Phatu (a fourth-tier wrestler and a crowd favorite due to the size of his huge ass), who hadn't even debuted in the WWF at the time of the Austin assault, admitted his guilt. He claimed that he had stolen the Rock's keys and driven his rental car straight into Steve Austin's body. His justification for the attack was even more bogus. He cited all of the past instances in which minority wrestlers were held back in the WWF, mentioning the names of old minor wrestlers like Jimmy Superfly, Snuka, and Samu. Furthermore, Rikishi said that he did it for the Rock, who is part Samoan, and was happy to see the Brahma Bull reach the top of the WWF. Before leaving the ring to a stunned and disappointed audience, he said that he would do it again, and promptly RAW went off the air.
After such a long buildup, it is impossible that fat-assed Rikishi is the true culprit. We don't care how many times he says he did it. No one wants to see Rikishi vs. Stone Cold in his return match. Rikishi sucks.
And if Rikishi Phatu were the real perpetrator why would he just have started a feud with Kane? He is even slated to fight Kane in the next Pay-Per-View No Mercy. Also, Austin is scheduled to fight his assailant. So how can Rikishi, who has never been part of a major WWF story-line, suddenly be thrust into the main action?
With all of this being said, the recent developments are merely new wrinkles in the Austin mystery, which will eventually lead to the return of Vince McMahon. The WWF likes to keep its viewers off-guard, and the Rikishi plug is proof of this fact. Vince's return as the true villain will be far more dramatic if the audience has already discredited him as a suspect.
Alas, one of our dreams came true this week, when the Chyna and Eddie Guererro saga finally came to an end. Prior to the match which featured the two battling the Right to Censor, a GTV broadcast on the TitanTron screens at RAW showed footage of Eddie in a shower with two of the Goodfather's ex-Hos. In the video Eddie claimed that two mamacitas are better than one. Knowing he cheated on her, Chyna merely sat on the steps to the ring and cried. We were really convinced by this show of emotion - she appeared to be laughing far more than crying. Thank God it appears that the they are breaking up. Their relationship had been drawn out far too long already.
Backstage after the match, Eddie attempted to apologize to Chyna, who had obviously broken off their engagement. After she drove away, Bad Ass Billy Gunn tormented Eddie and assured him that Chyna would never be with him again. This bravado led to Bad Ass getting a beer bottle broken over his head by Guererro. A Billy Gunn and Eddie Guererro feud could prove to make for a very refreshing new story-line.
In an otherwise unglamorous RAW, the one bright spot was the brief return of the Heart Break Kid, Shawn Michaels. At the onset of the program, Commissioner Mick Foley brought Michaels into the ring, to the delight of the crowd, and asked if he was the man who hit Austin.
After denying the charge, HBK stated that he believed that the Rock was the perpetrator. He cited that Rock was the wrestler who benefited most from Stone Cold's absence. We would gladly accept the story-line of a heel Rock vs. the vengeful Steve Austin. In fact, that scenario would be terrific. Also, while Rikishi gave his harangue about racial prejudice at the end of the program, one couldn't help but notice the odd expression on Rock's face. He looked confused, mad, or possibly guilty.
As much as we are fans of the WWF, this week's RAW just wasn't very thrilling. The matches didn't provide anything special in terms of the actual wrestling, there weren't any interviews with the delightful catch phrases of any of the top stars, and Stone Cold didn't even show up. Lita appeared in two different outfits over the course of the night, and wasn't exposing the top of her thong in either of them. We can only hope that Smackdown on Thursday will provide some more excitement, some thong action, and hopefully the answer to the ongoing "Who Hit Stone Cold ?" saga. For even though the WWF wants us to believe it is Rikishi, we feel it's not over yet.
