Sexual tensions on the rise? Suffering from foot-in-mouth syndrome? Freaking out about midterms? E-mail The Daily's own "Dr." K at askdoctork@yahoo.com to get answers to your most pressing issues.
Q: So, Doctor K, there's this girl I met at a bar last week who was totally cool and we totally hit it off. We talked for like an hour without any break or awkwardness or anything. I mean, how refreshing is that? So, my problem is that she's a friend of a friend, and I don't know how to go about asking her out. I mean, should I just call her up (I didn't get her number, so I'll have to ask my friend for it)? Do you think my friend will be insulted or not want us to go out? Please help me, Doctor K! I really want to see this girl again, but I don't know how to do it!
- Confused and thinking with my crotch
A: Ok, deep breath, close your eyes and imagine yourself back at the bar last week with this girl, having a great conversation and feeling totally confident. Mmm, felt pretty good, didn't it? There you were, sitting next to a beautiful woman who you actually feel comfortable talking to. Gazing into each other's eyes, noticing the way she keeps sweeping her hair away from her sensual neck, finding yourself fantasizing about kissing her full, luscious lips - oh wait, you forgot to make your move, didn't you!
So, since you somehow managed to go deaf upon opportunity knocking, it's on to step two: call that girl up! Who knows when the next time you'll "run into her" will be. Do you really want to leave it up to chance (or your friend to arrange a get-together involving the three of you)? Don't be concerned about your friend being insulted by your newfound love interest. The only reason why she would even care would be if she has hidden feelings for you, which is another issue in itself! Seriously, if your friend truly cares for you, she will be MORE than happy to help you out with your situation.
Now that you (hopefully) feel comfortable asking your friend for the sexy lady's number, pick up the phone and dial it! This girl is probably going to ask you (or at least herself) how you got her number. She'll wonder why you just didn't ask for it yourself, and may even be weirded out that you got her number without asking. This is the point where you swallow your pride for a moment and tell her the truth - that you realized too late that you should have asked her out. Tell her something like: " I didn't know if I'd get the chance to see you again, so I asked [mutual friend's name here] for your number in the hopes that you'd like to go out to dinner/bowling/showing of Evil Dead II at Harvard Square with me next weekend." Don't be afraid to admit that you should have asked her earlier. Trust me, girls like honesty, and showing her that you weren't afraid to get her number will be flattering. Starting things out on an open and honest level is the best approach you could hope for.
Q: Dear Dr. K: I've got a problem with a friend of mine. My buddy used to be in a long term relationship, and when it ended, he stopped seeing girls for a bit. It was cool because he was always down to chill, but now suddenly he's on this crazy kick where every free second he's got he's off chasing tail. A couple times I've tried to tell him he's being lame, but he doesn't get it. Advice?
- Man Down!
A: So you've tried the "I'm going to give my friend an attitude because I'm upset and I don't know how to react" approach, now how about something different? He will most likely be more receptive if you can speak honestly (read: genuinely concerned) about how much you miss hanging out with him. If you just tell him he's being lame, he is not going to take that to heart and realize that he's hurting your friendship. In fact, he will probably be more inclined to spend ALL his time invested in girls since it doesn't seem like you care too much about your friendship.
Right now, your friend is obviously has a newfound appreciation for women, after a mandatory grieving period from his prior relationship. So let him do his thing - after all, wouldn't you want your friends to support you in a search for Ms. Sex Goddess after coming out of a painful breakup? Being a fellow college student, you obviously understand the overload of hormones that flood our brains 24/7. Guys and girls are constantly fantasizing about sex, and now that your friend is acting on it, you're feeling ousted. Although it's natural to feel a bit rejected by your friend, try your hardest to be there for him now more than ever. Let him tell you about his latest crush, and help him figure out what he's looking for right now in a relationship.
However, it's definitely not ok for him to keep pushing you aside. My advice: although it's perfectly normal for your woman-obsessed friend to freak out for a bit, if he continues to break plans or ignore your friendship, you need to tell him to put the testosterone on a back burner and think about something else for a change. Suggest that you do something that doesn't involve girls (imagine that!) and instead strengthens your friendship. Take a road-trip, have a marathon video game session, or whatever else you and your friend enjoy doing together.
By being up front and clear with your friend about how much you miss guy time, he'll hopefully snap out of his lustful daze and realize that he's giving up on a friendship that may not be there when he comes back from his next woman hunt.
