Lock the turnstiles. Stay out of the bullpen. Something terrifying is growing in the Major Leagues, and it's hungry...
Spring training games begin this week, but this idyllic tradition has taken on the overtones of a bad horror movie. Specifically, an Atlanta-based movie called The Greenskeeper. This film, sure to be a blockbuster, stars Texas Rangers reliever John Rocker, 1999 lingerie model of the year Christi Taylor, and an Atlanta DJ, Southside Steve. Rocker plays a psychopathic killer who according to the movie's website "frighteningly and creatively" slaughters a group of teenagers at a country club. The movie, scheduled to be released in May, lures its unsuspecting viewers with the catchy line "It's par for the corpse."
Rocker's Oscar aspirations aside, there is no more ominous figure in the major leagues than commissioner Bud Selig. Also the owner of the Milwaukee Brewers, Selig has been busy during the offseason, wearing a number of unflattering disguises. He's acted as shadowy kingmaker (his role in the contested sale of the Red Sox has been questioned), a poverty-stricken beggar (for his financial spin doctoring before Congress), and would-be assassin of the Minnesota Twins and Montreal Expos.
Selig's latest problem is the expired collective bargaining agreement and the threat of labor strife. The players union, already miffed at his attempts to remove the Twins and Expos (and the jobs that they provide), is also opposed to the idea of increased revenue sharing and a luxury tax.
A strike or lockout would severely damage Major League Baseball's reputation, and the lessons learned in 1994 may prevent a long labor dispute this time. Still, with no collective bargaining agreement, and a number of difficult issues on the table, the 2002 baseball season is by no means assured.
If the players do end up working this year, they will surely not be working as hard as baseball's most tiresome and overrated ghost, Babe Ruth. The Bambino, whose specter haunts discussions of baseball from Beantown to Bangor, struck again this week as baseball fans in Sudbury, MA tried to recover his old piano - which was supposedly chucked into Willis Pond in 1918. Using logic as faulty as Nomar Garciaparra's wrist, the divers believe that playing this very magical piano will somehow remove the curse.
Some say that the cult of the Bambino needs to be disbanded and Red Sox fans need to grow up. But growing up is another problem that Major League Baseball has faced this offseason. Stricter screening of immigrant's documents in the wake of Sept. 11 has aged a dozen major leaguers by as many as two years. Atlanta Braves shortstop Rafeal Furcal gained two years. Cleveland Indians pitcher Bartolo Colon also added a year.
The two teams that came face to face with their own mortalities during this offseason, the Twins and Expos, are both dealing with ownership disputes. Carl Pohlad, the Twins owner, has said he will sell the team to a buyer on the condition that it stay in Minnesota. An owner with deeper pockets would make the Twins more financially competitive and thus remove them from Selig's hit list.
The Expos will spend the upcoming season with a more exotic ownership. They were purchased by Major League Baseball, and will be run by the league itself. This means that the leagues' other owners each have a 1/29th share of the Expos, a fact that has led many to raise conflict of interest complaints.
A pair of student journalists at the University of Pennsylvania have come up with an alternative proposal. The Daily Penslyvannian staff members set up a website (http://buytheexpos.poptopix.com/) to solicit pledges from people who want to own a piece of the Expos. So far, the campaign has raised $100,000, and if it stays on course, will reach the $100 million mark in late March. While there are legal questions (The campaign may be in violation 1933 National Securities Act which states that instruments of communication or the mail cannot be used to offer to sell or buy a company), group ownership is not without precedent. The Green Bay Packers have 111,000 shareholders.
College kids owning the Expos? Just par for the corpse during this most sinister of spring trainings.
