Intramurals head towards conclusion

Welcome to this week's intramural update. The intramural season is winding down, or getting more intense, depending on your view of things. Things should be a little more entertaining this week because a particular intramural writer finally won the Super Bowl with his Patriots franchise in Madden 2003, and now has more time to focus on so-called "reality."

Much has been happening in the world of intramurals during the past week. In addition to crowning champions in the "So wait, everybody just runs around the quad naked?" soccer and volleyball leagues, there was also a team tennis champion. The team tennis tournament was won by Miller Time in what was almost certainly an exciting tournament, although this reporter did not make it over to cover it because, for Intramural Update, it's pretty much always Miller Time.

Before we get to the intramural scores, Intramural Update would like to weigh in on the place-kicking controversy out in San Francisco. Rookie kicker Jeff Chandler is presently locked in a battle with incumbent Jose Cortez for the start in Monday night's game against Koy Detmer and the Iggles. Mr. Chandler visited 235 Main Street (this filthy apartment is home to Tufts literary figures like myself, Dan Fowler, former NBA basketball beat writer, and Primary Source Fool on the Hill Josh "the Monkey" Cohen. It is also home to Joe "Mouseslayer" Coulter and Suffolk University import Mike "the Bearded Hurricane" Fearon) during an off week this past fall, and he was a hell of a nice guy. Intramural Update has asked the Daily if they could write an editorial on the 49ers place-kicking situation, but there was some debate about the relevance of it to the Tufts community. Hopefully Steve Mariucci will make the right decision and start Chandler.

We will start with intramural soccer. On Nov. 18, HDL United scored ten goals to defeat the School Psychs. HDL United is now at 4-4 while the School Psychs are reeling at 1-7. A Tribe Called West is also at 4-4 after shutting out Los Pieds Radicales 5-0. The Revolution took a forfeit in their game against Ill from the Hill to stay undefeated at 8-0. The Hodgdon Hobgoblins won a squeaker over Indy 2, 6-5. This game had little importance as both teams are as far under .500 after eight games as Fowler is under the table after eight beers. Tappa Kegga and the Greeks tied 5-5 in a game between the two second-place teams in the Monday night league. The 357 Tigers won their game against Insanity 7-4 moving them to 5-3 and the Insanity to 1-6. The Screaming Butterflies unleashed a 9-2 beating of Carmichael, upping their record to 6-2 in the process. The Butterflies are now tied at 6-2 with the Halligan Hooligans. The Hooligans lost their game to Zeta Psi 4-0. Zeta Psi, incidentally, has moved to Thursdays (the Thursday night league, actually) so that intramural soccer can better compete with Friends.

In the Thursday night league, Simon from England defeated the Juice 2-0 in a game that lifted Simon to a 5-2 record and a third place tie with Bombshell. The Juice just can't win, no matter how hard they swear they are looking for the killers. DTD beat the Rabid Wombats 8-2 and Bombshell absolutely smoked Indy 1, scoring 15 goals to improve their record to 5-2 and tie Simon from England for second place in the Thursday night league. Two forfeits occurred Thursday and Pyscho and the Sugar Daddies took the field against nobody. I-House nipped In Your Eye 5-1 in the last game of the night.

What did we learn this week?

-When a vagrant is sleeping in your front steps, it is best not to yell at him through the intercom.

-Girls like mice about as much as they like vagrants sleeping in your doorway.

-The Patriots beat the Raiders! Well they beat them in the Madden game that my roommate just played.

Reading comprehension questions

1. Why doesn't Jeff Garcia just shut the hell up?

2. Have you ever searched for "the Monkey" in the Tufts directory? Do it.

3. Have you ever had an NFL player visit your apartment? I didn't think so.