Out of sight, out of mind?

Relationships in college can be very difficult, even when both partners live on campus. Petty jealousies, outside stress from school work and activities, different groups of friends, and pressure to look towards the future all contribute to the drama. Put three thousand miles between two partners, and the odds against their success as a couple suddenly become much greater.

Despite how difficult a long distance relationship might seem, many students at Tufts choose to pursue [or at the very least, maintain] relationships when one or both partners go abroad.

To the rational mind, a long distance relationship spanning continents may seem ridiculous. The rational mind, however, behaves very differently than the heart. For many couples who contemplate maintaining a long distance relationship, the issue is never black and white. In many cases, couples decide to stay together after much debate.

One junior who went abroad last semester originally thought she and her boyfriend would naturally break up for that period of time.

"No, we probably won't stay together," she said at the time. "But it's okay because we love each other and I know we'll be together when we are back at Tufts."

But, as the date of her departure drew nearer, she realized that the risk of losing her significant other was not worth four months of freedom.

"We decided to stay together because it just didn't feel right in our hearts to break up," the junior said. "I knew I didn't even want another boy to look at me, and I guess he felt the same way."

Junior Lauren Workman is currently preparing for her four months abroad in Australia. She departs in early February. Even though she will not be able to see him until May due to the distance and the cost associated with flying back and forth, Workman and her boyfriend of several years have decided to stay together. What makes it worth it?

"We've been together since high school, basically," Workman said. "There's no one else I'd rather be with, so why would I risk losing that for four months of 'possibilities?'"

Men too are frequently open to the idea of staying together. Sophomore Brian Costello plans to go abroad to Paris next semester to study abroad. Although he is not currently in a relationship, Costello is optimistic about the prospect of making a relationship work while abroad.

"I would stay together if we were both committed to the relationship and willing to make it work," Costello said. "Long distance relationships can be tough, but going abroad doesn't mean that a relationship will end or has to end."

Costello acknowledged, though, that each relationship is unique. "I guess that it would depend on the circumstances," he mused when first asked his thoughts.

Many couples can deal with the loneliness of a few months apart during their college years because, after all, it is only a few months. And while high school students might not have the life experiences required to make the difficult decision to stay in a long distance relationship, many college students have experienced prior relationships and thus are more ready to enter into long distance relationships.

In many cases, college students are more determined to hold onto a solid one when they find it. Many college students who attempted to stay with significant others from high school have found that sort of long distance relationship to be difficult to maintain.

Sophomore Lauren Ungerleider and her high school boyfriend, Jim, decided to stay together despite attending separate colleges. This year, though, they have decided to slow their relationship down. Ungerleider explains that decision as the result of the realization that she and her boyfriend had started to drift apart.

"Theoretically you have different majors, different interests, and you want to go different places," Ungerleider said. "So you still connect on an emotional level, but you just don't see each other and you make a choice to focus on other things rather than the relationship."

Other students, however, are able to maintain relationships with high school boyfriends or girlfriends. Freshman Cory Levitt, whose girlfriend of over a year attends high school in Pennsylvania, testifies to this: "It's definitely possible to keep a high school relationship going, even if one person goes off to college," Levitt said.

The University offers counseling to students experiencing difficulty navigating the direction of their relationships, recognizing relationship concerns as a significant factor in students' lives. Approximately 600 to 700 students utilize the Counseling Center each year, many citing concerns about their relationships as a reason.

A fortunate truth for campus couples attempting to maintain relationships when one of them goes abroad is that each partner has a common touchstone: his or her roots at the University. Unlike those couples attempting to keep a high school relationship alive, matches made at the University possess a "home base" that, even if one partner is abroad, provides common ground.

The aforementioned junior acknowledges that the attempt to sustain a long distance relationship is not always successful. "I love him and it worked out really well," she said. "We were lucky."

Many couples try to stay together but find that distance, jealousy, and loneliness outweigh the positives of their relationship. There are other couples, though, who make their long distance relationships work, and they are models who may give faith .