Yet another year of TV radiation

For those of you who spent hours watching TV instead of doing work, this article needs no introduction.



Best reality show: Joe Millionaire

Millions of Americans, including yours truly, tuned in to watch the incredibly vapid Evan Wallace Marriot choose the Queen of Aloofness Zorah over the promiscuous Sarah. The special FOX "twist" at the end was also pathetic and a total cop-out. Giving a million dollars to the couple anyhow? They should learn to live alongside each other in poverty. I'd even bet that amount that the two never even hooked up after the show was finished taping. But with all these criticisms, why is it the best reality show? Because it was so funny, so addictive, and, well, how often can you see a girl sincerely say she wants to become a "mercenary" and help out the poor?



Worst reality show: Are you Hot?

This disgusting excuse for television is a blatant rip-off of one of the best uses of the internet to date, hotornot.com. Is there anything more irritating than watching Lorenzo Lamas with his laser pointer point out a woman's "flabby" thighs, when in actuality, there's less fat on them than in a tub of I Can't Believe it's Not Butter! Blech, no wonder ABC is last in the ratings essentially every week.



Best choice by a network head: Family Guy on Cartoon Network

Thank goodness for cable. Once again, a show too racy and too offensive to be shown on regular television finds its place. Family Guy is the most random and uproariously funny cartoon this side of The Simpsons, and that is saying a lot. Long live Quahog and Peter Griffin. As the perverted neighbor Quagmire might say, "Oh, yeah..."



Worst choice by a network head: Moving Ed to Friday Nights

Poor Tufts alum Rob Burnett. His quirky and funny show Ed starts losing some ratings, and what does NBC do? Throws them in the worst time slot possible where the show can't possibly rebound. Having a show on a Friday night is akin to having calculus as a B block class on Monday mornings - it's salt in the wound. I hope the suits at NBC make the right choice and put Ed in a time slot that won't equate to a death notice at the end of next season.



Best movie shown on Tufts Movie Channel: Sum of All Fears

Kudos to TMC for having a quality action film on television just months after it hit the big screen. Ben Affleck notwithstanding, the latest Jack Ryan thriller served as one of the best avenues of procrastination. Even better than an infomercial for the Ronco Rotisserie Grill.



Worst movie shown on Tufts Movie Channel: The Country Bears, for four months

Yeah, so LCS' Kids Day is a big hit, and there are many Child Development majors on campus, but still, why is this movie on a college campus movie channel? There is no reason for this. It's a movie based on a theme park attraction. It should never have even been made. One more caveat: Haley Joel Osment is in it.



Best candidate for jumping the shark: The West Wing

Is it possible that Rob Lowe made the smart move by leaving the show early? With creator, producer, and ??ber-screenwriter Aaron Sorkin's recent canning, the future of the NBC presidential drama looks bleak. Recent plot lines include an invasion of imaginary country Kundu and another assassination attempt. President Bartlett gets shot at more than Michael Moore effigies at an NRA convention. A show that prided itself on mirroring the liberal Clinton administration has woefully failed at adapting its structure since Bush's election two years ago. One can only hope that the show will rebound, fast.



Stupidest character ever: Kim Bauer on 24

Kim, played effortlessly by Elisha Cuthbert, never really had a purpose other than wearing tight clothes and revealing gratuitous cleavage. This has brought on the wrath of 24 fans everywhere, as the most loyal viewers have labeled her "Spawn" on the website televisionwithoutpity.com. Through the course of the past 22 hours, Kim has been kidnapped, arrested, set a cop car on fire, held hostage, and has obviously overdosed on stupidity pills because no one could ever be that absentminded. But, she's wearing tight clothing, so it's all good.



If you only could have one channel, it would be: HBO

Yes, it's premium. But there's a reason. HBO has the best programming - The Sopranos, Sex and the City, and Curb Your Enthusiasm come to mind, along with the best made-for-television movies and miniseries (i.e. Band of Brothers, and of course, the best motion pictures on television today). Instead of trying to save the inadequate Tufts Movie Channel, take advantage of the change in cable provider and demand HBO. At least make it an option for those who know good television when they see it. Students shouldn't have to resort to KaZaA in order to get their fill of high quality

programming.