V-Day blues

Valentine's Day is a pain in the ass; it's a hassle for couples, awkward for hook-ups, and depressing for singles. Due to the pressure for everything to go perfectly, everyone seems like a slightly bigger jerk than usual. A missed phone call or late arrival can move one from the category of "slightly flaky" to that of "majorly insensitive schmuck". Regardless of your dating status, everything just seems a little worse on Valentines Day.

If you have a significant other, you're faced with the pressure to get the prettiest flowers, go to the finest restaurant, and then give your partner the best orgasm he or she has ever had. Of course the flowers seem to wilt almost immediately, and over-crowded restaurants pile you right on top of other couples making it impossible not to observe others love rituals and compare them to your own.

"Look at the way she's looking at him. Hey, remember when you were actually interested in things I had to say?"

"Hey, remember when I could breathe without you criticizing me?"

"God you are so defensive, let's just pay the bill and get out of here."

Any other night after having an argument you would just go home, sleep it off, and deal with it tomorrow. Oh but no, not tonight. Tonight it doesn't matter if you're super pissed off at your partner, or if your just not in the mood. On Valentine's Day, you have to have sex with your "loved one", and further more, you have to act like you really, really enjoyed it.

But as stressful as Valentine's Day can be for seasoned couples, it's certainly much more taxing for those whose status as a couple is still ambiguous. Valentine's Day has a way of unnaturally forcing the "where is this going" conversation. For someone who you've only hooked up with a couple of times, taking them out for dinner can be a sign of serious involvement... sure, it's just dinner now, but give it two months and you'll have named your first born. So you decide dinner's a bad idea... but then you're that non-committal prick with relationship ADD. It's too bad that Valentine's Day can't incorporate casual relationships as well.

I mean, you would think that Hallmark would have the decency to anticipate these types of sticky situations and come up with Valentine's Day cards that were better suited for our needs. Forget "will you be my valentine", how about, "will you be my booty call?" Or maybe " my love for you does NOT grow a little each day...but gosh darn it, when you touch me, something in my pants does." Seriously though, why should one day be able to undermine a hook-up relationship that you've been strategically keeping vague for months?

Granted Valentine's Day can be an annoyance for those in "things" as well as those in relationships, but perhaps Valentine's Day is worst of all for those of us who are single. It's become the ultimate binge-eating holiday because we can always turn to the two men who will never break our hearts: Ben and Jerry. One spoonful for every potential mate who never called, never called back, or never had the balls to get the number in the first place. Or if ice cream isn't your thing then there's always conversation hearts. But don't you wish Necco had phrases that were more in tune with your love experiences? "Sorry, taken", "just friends", "U R not 4 me".

And even with all that sugar, it seems nearly impossible to erase the downward spiral of thoughts on love and relationships. "I'm not getting any on Valentine's Day... come to think of it, I really don't get that much at all... wow, I'm never going to get any, ever again!" What the Valentine's Day blues can be boiled down to is that it's a holiday about the love you don't have, and the ass you're not getting.

Somehow, the love Valentine's Day is supposed to celebrate is reduced to the number of roses in a bouquet, the price of a dinner, and the number of partners in your bed. But it doesn't have to be. It's important for all of us to remember that the amount of love in our lives can be measured in units other than sexual partners. We should not be so ungrateful as to let the knowledge that we have family and friends who love us be overshadowed by the fact that we're striking out in the romance department.

Five days after this past Valentines Day, I'd like to encourage us all to think about the areas of our lives that are rich with love, rather than those that are lacking. Understand that despite what all the teddy bears and heart shaped boxes seem to suggest, your worth as an individual is not dependant upon weather or not you have a significant other. Know that being single is not synonymous with being unlovable. And if all else fails... the valentine's candy is still 50 percent off right now.