A play in one act

I came across an article in the March 3 Daily entitled "Shower incident disturbs lacrosse team." Allow me to quickly quote the beginning of that article:

"An unknown male allegedly exposed himself in the locker room shower after the men's lacrosse team practice last Wednesday. According to the police report, at 5:55 p.m. a student reported that an older male had dropped his towel, exposing himself. The suspect then began fondling himself. At that point the student ran out of the shower and alerted a campus security officer, who then called the police."

Like a muse, this article inspired me. So, instead of my usual biting social commentary, I would like to present to you a one-act play I wrote based on those events. "Outbreath" rejected it (probably because they were out of breath -- SNAP!) but, thankfully, the Daily has printed my artistic vision. I just want to say that this is a work of fiction and that it is only loosely based on actual events. So, without further adieu, I present to you my play:



A SHOWER ENCOUNTER



Cast:

Lacrosse Player #1: An athletic college student

Lacrosse Player #2: Another athletic college student

Stranger: A shaggy older gentleman



Late afternoon. The shower at Cousins Gym. Lacrosse Player #1 and Lacrosse Player #2 enter the shower after a long practice, drop their towels, and begin bathing.



LACROSSE PLAYER #1: Man, coach is really riding us.



LACROSSE PLAYER #2: Seriously. My delts are killing me.



LACROSSE PLAYER #1: Which ones are the delts again?



LACROSSE PLAYER #2: Upper back.



LACROSSE PLAYER #1: Yeah. Mine too.



Stranger enters the shower.



STRANGER: Hey, fellas. You mind if I jump in here?



LACROSSE PLAYER #2: Excuse me?



STRANGER: I just got through a rough workout. I was about to take a shower. I hope you guys don't mind.



LACROSSE PLAYER #1: No. It's cool.



STRANGER: Great.



Stranger drops his towel.



LACROSSE PLAYER #1: So what are you doing tonight?



LACROSSE PLAYER #2: I'm gonna go to Zeta Psi.



LACROSSE PLAYER #1: Zeta Psi is closed.



LACROSSE PLAYER #2: I go there to cry.



LACROSSE PLAYER #1: You cry? But you're a cool jock. You could have any girl you want.



The lights dim. A spotlight shines on Lacrosse Player #2 for his soliloquy:



LACROSSE PLAYER #2: If only he knew that beneath this rough exterior lies something he could never understand. Something he...must never understand. Why? Why was I born a man?



Lights up.



LACROSSE PLAYER #2: Did I say cry? I meant get high.



LACROSSE PLAYER #1: I hear that!



They slap five.



LACROSSE PLAYER #1: Hey. Look at that guy. He's touching his penis.



LACROSSE PLAYER #2: He's just washing it.



LACROSSE PLAYER #1: He's been washing it for ten minutes.



LACROSSE PLAYER #2: Holy crap! He's fondling himself!



LACROSSE PLAYER #1: Let's get out of here!



The lacrosse players run out of the shower.



The End.