Erectile dysfunction: Not just your grandpa's problem

Men's relationship with sex is one we view as straight forward. We expect men to want sex as frequently and easily as possible, and assume the sexual baggage men carry is little to none. Because men don't have to worry about getting pregnant, and are four times less likely to contract an STD, we believe they approach sex with little concern or hesitation. But men's relationship with sex is often more multifaceted than we think.

When we hear the phrase "erectile dysfunction" we conjure up images of Bob Dole or our 65-year-old professor, not an 18-22 year old male in his sexual prime. When things go wrong with sex, we expect it to be more along the lines of "minute man" than along the lines of "impotent." And because no one goes around the locker room bragging about not being able to get it up, we assume young men don't suffer from erectile difficulties, when indeed they do. Due to this misconception, any sort of problems a younger man might have becoming aroused can come as total surprise and a complete devastation to the male ego.

There are many factors that can impede a man's ability to have an erection, including the use of alcohol, marijuana, tobacco, and anti-depressants. But perhaps the most common reason for a younger man to experience trouble getting hard is the very fear that this should occur.

Unfortunately, performance anxiety isn't something we can easily remove from our sexual encounters. From a functional standpoint, sexual intercourse depends entirely upon a man's ability to achieve and maintain arousal. If he can't, he's "a sexual dud" and his partner is "unattractive."

It's not good enough for a man to be able to perform sexually most of the time. With regards to sex we expect near perfection; it's not as forgiving as other aspects of our life that require us to succeed just over half the time. I mean, to close the Red Sox out of the World Series, the Yankees only had to win four out of seven games. Can you imagine if a man could only get it up four out of every seven times he tried? He certainly wouldn't walk around celebrating his victory.

But out of thousands of successful hard-ons, it only takes one failure to create a complex. Foreplay becomes an internal pep-talk: "come on buddy, don't fail me now, you can do it, you've done it a million times before ... Pam Anderson, Pam Anderson ... you want sex, damnit, get hard ... hey, wait a minute ... could I be batting for the other team?" And meanwhile your lady friend is having trouble keeping her eyes above your equator. She might as well just ask you if she should steal some of her father's Viagra. Now clearly, this is not the most arousing situation, and the more pressure and anxiety is added, the more unarousing it becomes.

This is not to say that there's no hope. One can counteract performance anxiety in the bedroom similar to how one combats performance anxiety in the bathroom. Everyone can relate to the experience of being bladder shy: when there's only one other person in the bathroom, it's dead silent, and nearly impossible to pee. And when you can't pee, you don't beat yourself up over it. You turn on the faucet, take deep breaths, think about Niagara falls, and relax. Erectile anxieties can be dealt with in much of the same fashion.

Occasional erectile problems are completely normal, and are not testimonials to your impotence. Hopefully, if you're sleeping with someone, you will be comfortable enough with them to explain that penises aren't always as obedient as lap dogs. You can't just snap your fingers and expect them to do tricks. Sometimes they obey, and sometimes they piss on your couch.

My mother always says "they can't all be winners". And there's no reason this proverb can't apply to boners. Sometimes, for whatever reason, you just can't get hard, and that doesn't put you in the same category as Bob Dole. Having difficulties with your penis isn't something you need to make either yourself or your partner feel bad about. Just think of it this way. If you manage to get it up more than four days out of seven, you're still performing better than the Yankees did to win the pennant ... and think about how many girls they are getting.