Once you've been the captain of the Starship Enterprise, there'snowhere to go but down.
No one has taken William Shatner seriously since his stint asCaptain James T. Kirk on "Star Trek." Shatner knows this; in fact,he's made a living out of it.
Shatner's career post-"Star Trek" has been almost pure camp.Reveling in his "famous because I'm famous" status, he choosesbizarre cameo roles (like the "Big Giant Head" on "Third Rock fromthe Sun") and unusual side ventures (Priceline.com discount airfareshill) that somehow ensure that he'll always be a part of ourcollective consciousness.
And of course, there's the music. Yes, Shatner fancies himself apop star in addition to all his other myriad roles. Over the pastfew decades, the former Trekkie has made a name for himselfspeaking versions of popular songs in his half-serious poetrystyle; his renditions of "Mr. Tamborine Man" and "Rocket Man" haveachieved cult fame.
On his new album, "Has Been," Shatner continues to engage inspoken-word musings while letting guest artists (Ben Folds, AimeeMann, Henry Rollins, and Joe Jackson, among others) handle theharmonies. The result is an album that is both tongue-in-cheek andsincere, both hilariously funny and pathetically sad.
The premise, of course, sounds like just another gimmick from aman who's created a career out of kitsch. And parts of it aredefinitely over-the-top. For example, the title track is astraight-up campy western number that sounds like a cut from thesoundtrack to the unfortunately-never-made movie, "Kill BillShatner."
A gruff outlaw demands the names of three of his detractors;they (and a chorus of campfire cowpokes) respond that they are Jack("never done Jack!"), Dick ("don't say Dick!"), and Don ("twothumbs Don!").
The narrator snarls that "riding on their armchairs,/ they dreamof wealth and fame./ Fear is their companion,/ Nintendo is theirgame."
Shatner's desperado delivery allows the song to pull off itssilly Western-by-way-of-Walmart-price-rollbacks effect perfectly,but, at the end of the song, he reveals the real theme of thealbum: "What are you afraid of? Failure? So am I. 'Has Been'implies failure. Not so. 'Has Been''s history. 'Has Been' ... was.'Has Been'... might again."
It turns out the former VH1 "One Hit Wonders" host is not socomfortable with the idea of himself as a disposable pop culturefigure after all.
While "Has Been" is faux-bitter and exaggeratedlyconfrontational, tracks like "It Hasn't Happened Yet" and "Real"are heartfelt and earnest.
In "It Hasn't Happened Yet," Shatner's whispers of "I'm scaredagain" and "fear of failure" bounce from speaker to speaker,enveloping the listener in a whirlwind of self-doubt.
In "Real," he opines ("I have saved the world in the movies, sonaturally there's folks who think I must know what to do") andapologizes ("I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm real").
As if it weren't depressing enough to hear that the former hostof the American version of "Iron Chef" is insecure about hiscareer, Shatner turns up the angst in songs like "What Have YouDone," and "That's Me Trying."
"What Have You Done" has Shatner telling the story of a womanwho drowned and whom he could not save ("You had said 'Don't leaveme' and I begged you not to leave me. We did").
The song is extra eerie and surprisingly personal, given thatShatner's third wife did actually drown in their pool in 1999.
Like "What Have You Done," "That's Me Trying" is shocking in itshumanity. The song, a slow, piano-driven tune about therelationship between a father and his estranged daughter, wasco-written by novelist Nick Hornby and Ben Folds and spotlights theguest vocals of Folds and Aimee Mann.
It has Shatner narrating a letter that is dismally sad in itseffort to please and is one of the most pathetic songs in recentmemory.
The levity and fun of the other songs on "Has Been" balance outthe solemnity of songs like these.
The lead-off track, a cover of Pulp's "Common People" is theShatner you expect, with his trademark halting, over-dramaticdelivery on lines like "She studied sculpture at St. Martin'sCollege, that's where I ... caught her eye" and "You ... want tosleep with common people .... like me?"
Even with the disconcerting howling entrance of Joe Jackson inthe middle of the song, this version is barely more ridiculous thanthe original.
Another favorite is "You'll Have Time," Shatner's pessimisticversion of "Everyone's Free to Wear Sunscreen," in which heintones, "Live life like you're gonna die .... because youare."
As a choir of gospel singers spells out the message"Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E G-O-double-N-A D-I-E," Shatner croons a listof people who have died: "Johnny Cash (dead!), JFK, that guy in theStones (dead!), Lou Gehrig, Einstein, and ... Joey Ramone (JooooeyRamooooone)."
Without sounding too much like one of the infomercials Shatnerwill probably be hosting next week, one can say that "Has Been"really has something for everyone.
Most types of music are represented, from the warm electronicfuzz of "Together" to the jazz lounge feel of "Familiar Love" tothe power ballad of "Ideal Woman."
Fans of emotional depth will be pleasantly surprised by some ofthe deeper songs, while people who like their Shatner light willagree with one of his many complaints in "I Can't Get BehindThat":
"I can't get behind so-called singers who can't carry a tune,get paid for talking. How easy is that? Well ... maybe I could getbehind that."
