This series of articles seeks to answer the question "How do we behave sexually at Tufts, and how aware are we of the risks?" This article will look at how mothers who are also students balance their campus life with their home life.
Though most females on campus are not familiar with pregnancy, a very large number know the pregnancy panic: the late period that just won't come, the nagging "what if" scenarios that run on repeat all day long, the constant juggling of "options." Inevitably, the period comes and all fears are forgotten, but those twelve hours or even twelve days of life-changing uncertainty are the closest wake-up calls that many college women get.
There are several students on campus for which the blue line did appear. They decided to keep their child and are now enrolled in school while raising a child, often by themselves.
Anne Stevenson is one of those students. The 25-year-old mother of two-year old Reece has junior standing and takes part in multiple clubs, including her work as President of the Resumed Education for Adult Learners (REAL) Program.
The REAL Program consists of a group of 40 and is catered to students 25 and older who want to receive a diploma after the typical college age. Though it was begun for single mothers, it also includes childless students.
"Almost all the REAL students work, have families, and all of us commute to school," Stevenson said. "Most of us do not have time for other clubs, and this is really our only viable connection to other students on campus we can relate to."
REAL was started in the 1970s ago by an administrator who saw there needed to be a support organization for mothers who were returning back to school. Now Jean Herbert, freshman class dean, is the faculty advisor for REAL. "35 years ago ... Women would start college, meet their husband, quit, have children, then really have trouble getting ahead in their careers," Herbert said.
According to Herbert, there are currently five students that are single mothers attending Tufts.
For Stevenson, the extra challenges of being a student with a child follow her everywhere. Stevenson is able to leave her son Reece in daycare when she goes to Tufts for her classes, but even that is a struggle. Although the center is close to campus, she pays $1,000 a month to keep Reece there.
"It took me months to line up daycare," Stevenson said. "There are waiting lists, and just to find referrals - you don't want to put him into just any place. We had two bad experiences with daycare before we found one we really liked."
As far as Tufts daycare is concerned, Reece is not eligible for Tufts Daycare until he is two years and nine months old.
This policy is based on the fact that it is necessary to get state licensing to operate a daycare center, as either an infant, toddler or preschool center. The Tufts center is only licensed as a preschool age program.
Emily Martell, the School Coordinator for Tufts Daycare, said that "Unfortunately, Tufts University does not have an infant program," Martell said. "We wish it did."
Stevenson has Reece signed up for Tufts Daycare next year.
Sometimes, however, - for example, when daycare is canceled due to a snowstorm while classes resume at Tufts - Stevenson has had to bring Reece to class. "A lot of teachers do not appreciate that, because it's disruptive and people pay something like $4,000 per class," Stevenson said. "So they're paying to be in that class and it's disruptive to them.
"I understand where they're coming from, but it's just very, very difficult because you're dealing with professional students," Stevenson said. "And you're a mom - you work, and you have different responsibilities. You can't just go out and party, you have to hire a babysitter. If the babysitter gets sick, you need back-up."
Even with the benefit of daycare, scheduling is never easy. For older students who are also mothers, there are few social outlets, so Stevenson has joined several clubs. In addition to being President of the REAL Student Organization, she is the Communications Director for the Tufts Democrats and Co-President of Students for Kerry. Rarely, however, do clubs meet at a time that is convenient for her.
Stevenson has often brought Reece to her Tufts Democrats meetings. "She brings Reece and it can be difficult," said sophomore Kayt Norris, who is Vice President of the Tufts Dems. "He's a vibrant character - very friendly, outgoing, wants to talk to everyone, claps at random things. It can be a little disruptive sometimes and hard to carry on business when all we want to do is play with the baby."
Norris believes, however, that it is more important for the Dems to keep Stevenson than it is to have a seamless meeting. "It's important to have Anne at the meetings, she's such a positive contribution to the group that if we need to make an adjustment it's definitely worth it," Norris said. "It's team babysitting basically."
Stevenson finds that younger students cannot even consider the burdens present when one has a child. Many students like to meet in study groups, but even that is difficult to manage for a single mother.
"I can't just ditch Reece and go to a study group," she said. "And I live so far off campus and a lot of people don't have cars so they can't come to my house. So then I get excluded from a study group that would benefit me."
Stevenson's social life is also always dictated by Reece.
"I'll go to a Kerry event that's a fundraiser until like midnight or one, and the next morning, Reece does not care," Stevenson said. "He still needs to get up at seven."
"It pretty much kills your dating life - even if the guy pays for dinner and picks you up at your house, say it's four hours and a baby-sitter is $10 an hour, you really have to like that guy to invest $40 in a babysitter," Stevenson said.
"It's weird, but I always used to have nice clothes and people thought I was the last person on earth who would make a good mom because I was pretty superficial," Stevenson said. "But when I had Reece I could not give him enough and I wore the same clothes for three years so that he could have clothes because I love him so much."
"It is strange to think that if I had used a condom the night Reece was conceived my whole life would be different," Stevenson said.
A night in the life of a student mom
<$>5:45 p.m. - After classes end I pick up Reece at daycare. I have to wrestle him out the door and into his car seat.
6:15 - I get home. My phone has seven unchecked messages, and I haven't checked e-mail since yesterday, but I have to make dinner.
6:20 - Reece is trying to climb in the oven and I won't let him. He wants some attention from me because he hasn't seen me all day.
6:45 - During dinner, food gets everywhere: the floor, the wall, the kid. Rule number one for moms: never wear anything that will upset you not if but when it gets ruined.
6:50 - Bath time. He won't let me wash his hair. There is water all over the bathroom. I dry Reece off and we go in his room to put on some PJs. When I turn around, he takes off on me. I hope I remembered to put the chain lock on the door!
7:35 - After reading Reece a bedtime story and putting him to bed he sneaks out of his room.
8:15 - The treasurer of my program calls to let me know about the budget crisis. Now I am stressed. I have an exam tomorrow and need to study. My math homework is four days behind.
9:00 - Tufts Democrats meeting at school. I am on the board and can't miss it. I am dressed in dry clothes and Reece is in his PJs in his car seat. Back to school we go. During the meeting, Reece becomes Captain Disruptive.
9:45 - We leave the meeting early because Reece is ruining it for everyone. I feel bad because of all the work I put into getting guest speakers, and now I can't stay.
10:30 - I put Reece back to bed, then crack open the books and start working.
1:30 a.m. - I go to bed, but Reece starts crying because he wants something to eat and drink.
7:00 - I Wake up to Reece poking my eyes out. He gives me a kiss and now he wants me to magically wake up and play games. Guess the 'childproof' doorknob handle was a total waste of money ...
- Anne Stevenson
