As if we didn't already know that life in Jersey is hell.
"Point Pleasant," the latest incarnation in a long line of soap opera-lite, "O.C." clones premiered its two-part pilot last Wednesday and Thursday nights on FOX. The series - this time with a supernatural twist - is set in a picturesque town on the New Jersey coast, predictably populated by bikini-clad babes and Ken dolls with waxed chests and even more waxen expressions.
Of course, when producers realized that the fickle climate of the real Jersey Shore isn't conducive to showing off the skin of all these pretty people, they moved filming to a San Diego beach. That oh-so authentic touch sums up the synthetic sensibilities of this one-hour serial about the daughter of the Devil and a mortal woman.
The pilot opens on the "Jersey Shore," where sunny skies are suddenly usurped by a violent and amazingly fast-moving thunderstorm. And in case the wacky weather doesn't clue you in to the fact that something freaky is afoot, the show's creators thoughtfully cue the creepy music. Lifeguard Jesse Parker (Sam Page) dives into the churning waters when he sees something bobbing in the distance, and returns to the beach with the motionless body of a lithe blonde, Christina Nickson (played by the doe-eyed Elisabeth Harnois) in tow.
After some obligatory mouth-to-mouth - which much disturbs Jesse's pouty girlfriend Paula (Cameron Richardson) - Jesse takes the dazed Christina to the home of friend Judy Kramer (Aubrey Dollar) whose father is the local physician. Immediately and inexplicably taking a liking to the young stranger, the Kramers invite Christina to stay at their home while she seeks out information about Anne, the mother she never knew, who just happens to have been a Point Pleasant native.
Strange occurrences accompany their new houseguest's arrival: dogs growl at her, bonfires flare up without warning, the electricity behaves erratically, a car explodes, and priests who mutter about prophesies being fulfilled are promptly killed off. Everyone who comes in contact with Christina finds their emotions heightened and their repressed desires unleashed; in other words, much philandering and fisticuffs ensue. Plus, she has this satanic symbol in the iris of her eye (which, incidentally, bears a striking resemblance to the America Online icon - I always knew Time Warner was in league with the devil).
Yet in the face of all this blatantly concrete evidence, no one around Christina even begins to suspect the teenager's satanic roots. Just in case the audience should miss the boat as well, the action periodically cuts away to conversations between Kingston, the man who raised Christina, and Boyd (Grant Show), a presumed henchman for You-Know-Who. In a sunlit park, the two men blather on about the ultimate battle for good and evil, before Boyd departs for Point Pleasant where he can keep an eye on the action. Subtle, huh?
Although the dialogue is decidedly sparse in spots, when the characters do speak they let loose with giveaway clunkers such as, "Rich people are idle, and idle hands..." Or, take the moment that tells us all we need to know about Jesse's home life, when his father asks, "You think you could stick around...(pregnant pause)...for a change?" The writers spoon-feed us the exposition with such heavy-handed dialogue that viewers can't help but feel insulted.
Most of the show's budget and production energy seems to have been spent on creating slick, spooky imagery and finding actresses with pipe-cleaner-thin thighs rather than a smart script or original storyline. End result: the pace is plodding, the plot predictable, and though Harnois has that otherworldly expression down, it's not nearly enough to make the exploits of the other cookie-cutter characters compelling.
The promos that FOX had been running for weeks before the show's premiere touted the fact that "Point Pleasant" is co-produced by Marti Noxon, the former executive-producer of cult hit, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer."
Unfortunately, the similarities between the two shows begin and end there.
Quirky, character-driven and stubbornly set against taking itself too seriously, "Buffy" was characterized by dialogue rife with pithy quips and puns galore. At the same time, creator Joss Whedon managed to get at some heavy issues by using the supernatural motif as a metaphor to speak about the horrors of adolescence and the monsters encountered in the process of discovering oneself.
In this vein, "Point Pleasant" is young enough as a series that it still has time to tell an interesting story about the seductive nature of evil and the dark side that exists in many sleepy little towns. At this point, however, it seems to have no such aspirations; it's merely using the macabre to flesh out yet another mediocre melodrama about the hormone-fueled hookups of an overindulged and uninteresting group of characters.
Bottom line: if you're in the mood for a smart supernatural series, you'll have to be content with reruns of "Buffy" on FX. Of course, if you enjoy being force-fed pablum, tune in to FOX for the continuation of this snore-worthy saga at 9 p.m. on Thursdays.
