So our basketball team advanced in the NESCAC Tournament last Saturday against Colby, and Cousens Gym reached pandemonium. But, seeing as our student body population is some 5,000 or so, some of you out there were missing. Here are the top excuses we heard from you guys for not showin' up to rattle Cousens.
10) "My favorite player is Drew Kaklamanos, but I couldn't get enough shirts in time to spell "GO KAKLAMANOS." (ed. note: GO KUMF)
9) "The gym looks too much like a church, and I'm an atheist."
8) "Colby and Tufts' uniforms don't match. I can't watch a 40-minute fashion crime."
7) "As a basketball purist, I do not condone any basketball that does not use the original peach baskets at both ends."
6) "LOUD NOISES !!!!!!!"
5) "I don't want to be that guy, you know, the obnoxious fan" (ed. note: Don't worry, there are plenty of fill-ins to take your place)
4) "I heard the crowd was calling themselves the 'Cousens Crackheads.' As a proud graduate of the D.A.R.E. program, I just can't be a part of that."
3) "Wait ... Tufts is in the playoffs?"
2) "Wait ... we have a gym?"
1) "I, like most in the NESCAC, am scared of Reggie ... and don't get me started on Dan Martin."
-- By Tim Whelan and Jessica Genninger
