In 3500 B.C., the wheel was invented. While I was not present in ancient Mesopotamia at the time, my gut instinct tells me it was a pretty big deal. Fast forward to today, and the wheel is everywhere: cars, Zambonis, unicycles, those annoying electric scooters, etc. Undoubtedly, the wheel can be regarded as one of the most important inventions in human history.
I believe the same is true for its doughy cousin, the bagel. Long before the bagel was draped in smoked salmon or turned into a rainbow-colored ring by millennials, it was a trailblazer in the world of bread. Originating between the 13th and 17th centuries in Poland, the bagel stood out among its dough relatives because of its unique baking process. It’s boiled and then baked. This process results in a perfectly golden exterior and a dense, chewy interior. A staple throughout Jewish history, the bagel has remained one of the best foods ever created.
However, a great upheaval is happening in the world of bagels today. Once seasoned with toppings like seeds, cheese, garlic or raisins, the bagel can now be found dusted with Cajun spice, smeared with vodka sauce flavored cream cheese or dyed in all sorts of colors. Unsurprisingly, food critics have sounded the alarm that we are entering a ‘bagel renaissance.’
In light of the great changes facing the state of bagels, I feel it is my duty to investigate this phenomenon with some on-the-ground reporting. More importantly, I believe it is profoundly important to unearth the best bagel place this wicked city has to offer.
This semester, I plan on undertaking a great journalistic feat by trying bagels from across the Boston area. From bustling Harvard Square to historic Beacon Hill, I’m determined to conduct a deep analysis of the Boston bagel scene. To be clear, I’m not doing this brave reporting because I hope it will earn me a Pulitzer Prize, or because I secretly want the Daily to cover the cost of my bagels. Rather, I strongly believe that the students of Tufts — the people of this state, even — should know where the best bagels are hiding.
I will be assessing bagel places in the Boston area (and perhaps the rest of Massachusetts if I can finally figure out how the commuter rail works) by getting the same order: an everything bagel with scallion cream cheese. Although I will occasionally try unique bagels (like Black Sheep’s za’atar bagel), I find this particular order to be the most reliable.
When it comes to judging bagels, texture is everything: The ideal bagel is chewy but soft, and the cream cheese should be thick and never runny. Furthermore, the everything bagel seasoning should have the perfect amount of salt. I find that supermarket bagels often forgo delicious saltiness and instead engulf everything bagels in a sea of poppy seeds that do nothing but get stuck in your teeth. Likewise, scallion cream cheese must not be assaulted with tasteless green bits, nor should it shy away from making your breath stink.
I hope you will join me as I seek to conquer the Boston bagel scene. Regardless of the bad bagels I may encounter, I’m sure I’ll have a hole lot of fun.
