Sophie Penenberg

Sharper Advice: One final debrief before you black out (academically or otherwise)

The sun is out, and Prez Lawn is the hottest spot on campus for athletes who think that shower shoes are an appropriate everyday choice and whose newest spring accessory is a 128-ounce plastic water jug. However, with that comes finals that quietly creep over the horizon, signalling that the semester is coming to a close. It’s bittersweet, as our time with you is also coming to an end, and we’ve truly enjoyed every minute hearing about your naughty little lives. For our final week, we’d like to offer you a rapid-fire advice session on all the questions and confessions we’ve accumulated over the course of the semester that have not yet seen the light of day. 

Crossword: Mr. President

Sharper Advice: ‘I love you’ … ‘It’ll pass’

Q: My boyfriend told me he loves me, but idk if I should say it back, and tbh it feels very soon. I like him a lot, but I’m not sure if what I’m feeling is actually love. What should I do?

Sharper Advice: Forever friendships?

Q: I’m still figuring out my friend group. Some people seem nice, but I’m not sure if they’re actually going to be my ‘forever’ friends. How can I tell the difference? I don’t want to get too invested in people who might not stick around, but I also don’t want to miss out on friendships that could actually last.

Sharper Advice: Stalker safety

Q: Someone I hooked up with last year is now stalking me. He has my home address and everything. I blocked him, but now I’m worried that he’s gonna show up at my house. Should I go to the police or what?

Sharper Advice: Situationship struggles

Q: I’m in a situationship that includes everything except commitment and basic clarity. I caught feelings but I don’t think they’re ready to commit, so I’m wondering: How do I turn my situationship into a relationship?

Sharper Advice: Pregnancy scare

Q: I’m late on my period… Should I tell my slink?

Sharper Advice: Being the bigger person

F--k the high road. We’ve all been told it’s something we’re supposed to take (and if you weren’t … respectfully, we can tell). Unfortunately, now that you’re college-aged, morally it would look like you’re the asshole if you didn’t. But when did ‘being the bigger person’ stop meaning ‘don’t shove that girl on the playground for insulting your shoes,’ and start meaning ‘swallow those very real, very valid emotions like they’re character flaws’?

Sharper Advice: Sugar daddy dilemma

Q: I found someone who wants to be my sugar daddy. ... He said it would only be FaceTime ‘dates’ for online shopping (while I’m in a low-cut top). A couple hundred for the first call. Should I do it?

Sharper Advice: Has my girlfriend lost interest?

Q: I’m worried my girlfriend isn’t into me anymore. How do I know for sure?A: Well, if you have to ask, buddy (I’m assuming you’re a man because most women would already know), you might already have the answer. Crowdsourcing information about your relationship is rarely a sign things are running smoothly.