Q: I’m in a situationship that includes everything except commitment and basic clarity. I caught feelings but I don’t think they’re ready to commit, so I’m wondering: How do I turn my situationship into a relationship?
A: Congrats on your complicated situationship — we hope you’ve been enjoying all the sexual benefits of a relationship without the burden of emotional connection. Now, for this question, we’d like to take a different approach from our usual enabling.
In a lot of ways, we’re like your therapist. We’re more than happy to listen to your delusions and offer vague, unclear advice. However, unlike your therapist, it’s not because we feel that you need to be on this journey by yourself. It’s actually because we are just as f---d up as you and are in no way qualified to tell you how to live your life.
Yet, in this case, we’re almost certain of the answer. We are sorry to tell you that it’s just not possible.
We would love to be proven wrong, but from what we’ve come to learn about situationships, they stem from a place of hesitance where, deep down, you know that you’re not right for each other. Unfortunately, they also usually appear as a mirage created by limited attention and lovebombing that you’re simply not ready to give up. We know you think you can fix them — we all do — but another thing we’re almost positively certain of is that they’re not going to change.
If you’re really going to go against our advice, then please just don’t lead with the classic ‘what are we?’ Instead, try something direct. We’d recommend: “Let’s take this to the next level. You, me, a tandem bike?”
Now, when that inevitably fails, at least you’ll know for sure that they were never down to pedal with you in the first place. And honestly, nothing is more humbling than realizing you’ve been the only one steering while they’ve just been sitting there, feet up, enjoying the ride.
At the end of the day, you’re not looking for clarity. You already know the answer, you’re just hoping that answer changes. If they wanted a relationship with you, you wouldn’t be asking us.
Sorry for the tough love, but we’re just looking out for you and your dignity. We’re always here for your situationship struggles.
You (probably) deserve better,
Sharper Advice
