Q: How do you actually take the high road when you genuinely hate someone? And I mean genuinely HATE. I know I’m supposed to ‘be the bigger person,’ but what does that actually mean when being the smaller, pettier person feels so much more natural?
A: F--k the high road. We’ve all been told it’s something we’re supposed to take (and if you weren’t … respectfully, we can tell). Unfortunately, now that you’re college-aged, morally it would look like you’re the asshole if you didn’t. But when did ‘being the bigger person’ stop meaning ‘don’t shove that girl on the playground for insulting your shoes,’ and start meaning ‘swallow those very real, very valid emotions like they’re character flaws’?
To this person, I’d say: Congratulations, you’re human. We’ve all felt primal hate like this — the kind that makes you want to take their laundry out seconds after the machine dings, just to make sure they never see that matching sock again. Being human also means you’re allowed to text your best friend about their greasy hair, or give that perfectly timed eye-roll when they start talking in class. But here’s the thing: The high road isn’t about being morally superior. It’s more about making them feel vaguely stupid without ever raising your voice. It’s weaponized composure.
Now, there are a couple of routes you could take here which pretty much all depend on the type of person you see yourself to be. Some of us are fighters, and the rest of us prefer to just sit in that pettiness.
- Kill them with kindness: Be unnaturally nice to them so even they begin to question their reality. Compliment them in a way that could make it actually seem like you mean it.
- Aggressively unbothered: You are untouchable. You are calm. Any attempts to provoke you are simply background noise. You are booked and busy.
- Use exclamation marks: Let’s be honest, punctuation is passive aggressive. Every exclamation mark is a tiny, deniable jab.
- Smile and walk away: You leave, they stew. There’s no better revenge than a lack of closure. Let them observe your success — from a safe distance.
You’re right — she’s probably a c--t. You don’t have to be the bigger one, just the smarter one. So save your energy. Let her exhaust herself. Nothing is more humbling than realizing you’re arguing alone.
Will this advice prevent the awkward pass-by in the Campus Center, mandatory club meetings or the silent staring contests across the quad? No. But will we be here to help you process every single one? Absolutely.
Choose peace,
Sharper Advice
